


tears on our photo

by stmwtbp



Category: Holby City
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 34,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8909464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stmwtbp/pseuds/stmwtbp
Summary: This started out as Bernie and Charlotte just making up but I have decided to expand it and  explore their relationship beyond.This is set a few months after I do I do I do.Bernie and Charlotte are still not talking even though Bernie has tried, little does she know that Charlotte is thawing, can Cam save the day before it’s too late!!





	1. Charlotte

Charlotte sits in the lounge in her mothers favorite chair grasping an old shoe box tears rolling down her face. The show box is full of letters and photos of her and her mum, she had every letter and photo her mum had sent her while she was away on tour, and a growing pile of letters and a few new photos she had sent since the divorce, these letters had been read more times than Charlotte can count everyone tear stained but unlike the others not one replied to, she wanted to god she wanted to but she could never bring herself to write them.

She’s holding a photo of her and her mum taken a few years ago, the day she came back from Afghanistan, it was properly the happiest Charlotte has ever been, as much as she loves her brother and dad she always missed her mum more than she let on, although she would never let anyone know that after all just like her mum she hides behind her great British reserve. Charlotte had returned early from uni just to surprise her mum who had planned on picking her up a few days later from campus. Just before the photo was taken she remembers as had become a bit of a tradition she ran up to her mum and flung her arms around her and hugged her tighter than ever, every time she returns Charlotte holds on a little longer as she knows one day her mum may never come back at least not alive that is she also knew her mum she would be back out on tour soon.

She wonders if her mum still has her copy of the photo in the bright pink frame that she gave her as a welcome home present, she remembers fondly she choose the pink frame as she knew it was so not her and wonders if the photo is still in the frame, or if she threw it out just like she has her family, breaking her and her dads heart, according to her dad she never really loved him or the family, and the only reason she joined the RMAC was to run from them. She still could not quite believe Cam had decided to forgive their mum, she did not deserve it really I mean she was the one that lied, cheated and betrayed the family and all they had created, all for what a fling in the dessert. 

But still Charlotte can’t stop looking at the photo and seeing how happy they were, and after all mum did try to make it work and it nearly did, but that does not excuse all the hurt and pain. Now the tears had become sobs and Charlotte realised that she really did miss her mum even after everything she has said and done she was still her mum and she loved her, but she could never forgive her, after all she is expert at holding lifelong grudges, maybe this can never be repaired as much as Charlotte wants it to be.

A few minutes earlier Marcus had just got in from another night shift, he made sure he did not make a lot of noise so not to wake Charlotte, although she probably had only just got back after another night out. Marcus thinks he may need to have a chat with her about her partying it was not healthy, although he was never good at the ‘chats’ that was always Bernie’s thing, he has to do it. He tip toes towards the front room.

“Oh mum I miss you, I’m sorry why did I write that letter?, I love you.” Charlotte exclaims.

Marcus stops in his tracks and edges closer to the front room as he stands there and watches he sees Charlotte sat in her mums favourite chair, holding an old box of photos, sobbing. He resists the urge to walk in and comfort his little girl. Instead he decides to tip toe back to the front door, open it quietly and re-enter the house calling out “morning Charlotte you up yet?”.

Charlotte jumped at the sound of her dads voice and hurriedly put the box back under the chair and placing the photo of her and Bernie in her bag, wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath counting to 5, she can’t let her dad know she was upset or why, she’s not ready for that conversation. 

Marcus enters the room. “morning sweetheart, just got in have you?” he says with a hint of humor in his voice, really he wants to know if she has been drowning herself in alcohol again.

“No dad I didn’t go out last night” Charlotte snaps back. “just couldn’t sleep”

Marcus should feel relived but in fact he feels worse, he keeps playing Charlottes words over and over in his head ‘“Oh mum I miss you, I’m sorry why did I write that letter?, I love you.”’. What has he done, without realising it he has broken his little girls heart just to get back at Bernie. He need to know what was in the shoe box. 

“I was thinking as it is your birthday tomorrow and as you are meeting up with cam later to celebrate and won’t be in a fit sate I the morning to get out of your pit” they both smile at that comment as they know when her an cam get together it always ends up with at least one of them unable to function the next day. “I was thinking we could go out and have breakfast to celebrate?”.

“I would love to” Charlotte replies “give me 10 mins and I will be ready” with that Charlotte heads up stairs to get ready. 

Now’s his chance to take a look at the box. He opens the box and as he thought it was full of photos and letters from Bernie some he had seen many times before. But there were letters from Bernie he had not seen before that she must have sent after the divorce, and one photo he had never seen before it was a photo of Cam and Bernie in matching blue scrubs, he does not think he has seen cam looking so proud and standing so tall before, he still can’t quite believe he decided to go back to medical school. Although Bernie was smiling and looked ever the proud parent but Marcus could see her smile just didn’t quite reach the corners of her face and her eyes looked lost, the last time he had seen that look was when Bernie had left on her first tour after having Cam, just like back then she looked totally broken and beaten and he knew exactly why.

“What have I done” exclaims Marcus. With that he picks up his phone and dials Cam.


	2. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cams comes up with a plan with the help of Serena.

“Dad to what do I owe this pleasure” Cam said sarcastically, winking at Bernie who is within ear shot, which makes Bernie smile.

“I’ve really fucked up this time cam” Marcus sounds panicked and is rambling trying to get everything out, all he understood was “Charlotte…. shoe box…. she was in bits… I can’t fix this…. help”

“Slow down dad, what’s happened, what about Charlotte?” Cam moves away from Bernie not wanting to panic her, he knows she will flip out if she overhears this conversation, so he slips away towards the corridor. Lucky Bernie did not quite hear the last thing Cam said, she thinks Marcus has managed to get himself in a bit of bother, which she seems pleased about, as she heads over to bay 2 head held a little higher.

Marcus takes a deep breath and starts from the beginning, explains what happened this morning, the photos the letters and also tells him about her endless partying. Cam can’t quite believe what he is hearing, the last time he spoke to Charlotte a few days ago she was taking great pleasure in running her mother down and making very clear that she wouldn’t care if she never saw her again.

“Cam as much as I wanted to punish your mother I never wanted to hurt you two, I should never have made you write those letters, it was never your battle to fight, I’m sorry” Marcus can feel himself well up.

“I’ve got it” Cam says “leave it with me dad I will fix it. Got to go work calls” With that Cam hangs up and heads to Pules to grab a coffee. He joins the line behind Serena ‘perfect he thinks’. With that he calls Charlotte.

“Hi Char”

“Still on for tonight I finish at 6 can you meet me at the hospital I want you to meet Morven”

“ok”

“call me when your outside and I will come get you”

“No no mum will be in theater so you won’t see her” 

“Ok ok see u later”

Serena can’t help but over hear the conversation, all part of Cams plan. “Cam you do realise you don’t finish until 7” She states. “I know” comes Cams reply. “Also your mum is not going to be in theatre” Serena looks puzzlingly at Cam. “I know” he replies with a smirk on his face.

“Alright Mr Dunn what are you planning?” Serena guides him over to a quiet corner of pulses. As they sit down Cam texts his Dad ‘don’t worry it’s all under control’.

 

Cam explains to Serena the conversation he had this morning with Marcus, the photos, letters and the partying. 

“So what’s the plan Cam?”

“First I need to know you will help?” Cam asks unsure if Serena will be willing to get involved. “Of course I will” Serena.

“There’s a few things you need to know. You know that photo mum has on her desk? The one with the horrid pink frame” “Yes” Serena replies. “Well that was the same photo Charlotte was holding”.

“Cam, has your mother ever told you the story behind why she has that photo?”. “yes, do you know about the texts?” he replies “No what texts?”. “Every day at 6.15 mum texts charlotte, and asks her how her day was. You see the photo Charlotte has was taken just after mum text Charlotte to see how she was, thinking Charlotte was not going to be there to meet her when she arrived back from that tour, and now every day since then mum has text her to see how she is. It became their thing.”

“Oh” is all Serena can manage.

“OK so hears the plan….” Cam says with a smirk.

20 minutes later Serena and Cam finally head back up to AAU. 

“Where have you two been, Cam I hope you have not being using hospital time to bail your father out?” Bernie prods.

“No, Coffee” Cam hands Bernie a cup.

“Hanssen” comes Serena’s reply.

T-5 minutes Cam texts Serena “ready”

“ready” comes the reply..


	3. Stage 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh FYI Cam and Morven are together.

5.55;  
Cams phone vibrates, “I’ll be there in 10 C x”.

‘Game time’ Cam thinks. Now for the trickiest bit, how to get mum of the ward for long enough to get Charlotte in to her office..

“Morven” Cam ushers her over. “I need a favour, your about to do the obs on the lady in the side bay, right?”

“Yes why” Morven looks puzzled.

“I need you to call Ms Wolfe in for a 2nd opinion.” 

“why?” Morven asks even more confused.

“Ok, Charlotte’s meeting me on the ward in 10 mins and I think it would be best if they did not cross paths, I’m going to get her to wait in the office while I get changed” Cam hated not telling Morven the truth but the few people who knew the better.

“Ok, I’ll try my best, you owe me one Dunn!! Oh does Ms Campbell know?” Morven was covering her back in case this all back fires.

“Yes of course it was her idea in fact”.

 

6.02 – Show time.

Cam heads down to meet Charlotte.

“Ms Wolfe, I could use your opinion on Mrs Jones please” Morven asks.

“Ok this better be good Dr Digby, I was in the middle of texting Charlotte”.

Serena pulls her phone out of her pocket, ‘coast is clear, everything good our end. S’ she texts Cam.

 

5.05;

“Char over here” Cam shouts across the lobby.

“Cam” she replies pulling him in for a hug.

“Why have you got that awful old hoodie on, how long you had that now?”

“10 years and counting, anyway I don’t want mum to see me, as I told you earlier I’m done with her, she’s run away for the last time” Charlotte feels a lump in her throat, the real reason she has the grey hoodie on is it was her mums, it was the hoodie she wore when she went on her first tour, but of course she would never tell Cam that.

“Like I told you Ms Wolfe is in theatre and will be for hours.” Again, Cam hates lying to his sister but it’s for the best and anyway she will thank him later he hopes.

They head in to the ward. ‘Good it’s quiet where is everyone, this could not be going any better’ Cam thinks. Cam quickly gets Charlotte into the office and is pleased to see that Serena has managed to pile boxes and files onto every seat but Mums. ‘perfect’ he smiles.  
“Sit down over there” he points to Bernie’s chair and don’t move or you will get me in trouble”. Before Charlotte has a chance to notice anything, Serena is right on q ”Dr Dunn I need some help over here” Another lie of course.

As Cam left he glanced over to the side room and could see that Morven was keeping Bernie busy, ‘I owe her big time for this’ he thinks.

As Charlotte sits down a flash of pink catches her eye, and it hits her, this is Mums desk and that.. that is our photo, she still has it. Charlotte picks it up, she can’t believe that she kept it all these years. That lump in her throat is back as she finds herself hugging the photo.

Now it’s Serena’s turn to do her bit for the cause. She enters the office making sure to close the door behind her just in case Bernie re-appears at the nurses station.

“Can I help you” Serena says.

Charlotte spins around to face the women “oh sorry I’m waiting for Dr Dunn”.

‘Perfect she has picked up the photo, that makes my job a lot easier’ Serena smiles.

“You know I would be careful with that you know, the last person Ms Wolfe caught holding that, well let’s say they have not looked her in the eye again.” Serena was trying not to laugh. 

“why?” Charlotte asked

‘Yes she took the bait’ Serena thought.   
“Well I’ll tell you the story of that photo, it’s tragic really you see her daughter the one in the photo is refusing to speak to her mother, after she had an affair with a woman and it breaks her heart a bit more every day. This photo was taken the day she got back from Iraq and it was the last time she ever really saw her daughter smile like that, I mean from ear to ear. She has said Ms Wolfe that in a heartbeat she would give up the job she loves, the women she loves and go back to living a lie if it meant that her daughter would speak to her again, so if only she could tell her one last time how much she loves her. You know every day she sits there in that seat and even though she won’t admit it she day dreams that she is back there in that moment..” Serena stops mid-sentence.   
Charlotte is intently staring at the photo, it’s the same look Bernie has when she is looking at the photo.   
Charlotte spins back around in the chair still holding the photo and pulls her hood up over her head. It’s at this point Charlotte lets the tears stat to fall.  
“Ms Campbell” Someone shouts from the ward  
“oh that’s me better go.” and with that Serena leaves the office making sure she leaves the door open.  
Charlotte just sits there staring at the photo totally numb. ‘she would give up everything for me’. “Shit what have I done, I don’t deserve her”.

5.20;  
Morven and Bernie finally come out on the side ward. “Good catch Dr Digby” Bernie says as she pulls out her phone ‘now or never she thinks’. She clicks on Charlotte's number and starts to type;

Hey baby girl hows ur day been?  
I want you to know that this will be my last text.  
I get it now you never want to speak to me again  
I broke your heart and I ripped our family apart   
And for that i’m truly sorry but I could not live  
A lie anymore. I know you hate me and I get it  
But I hope one day even if you can’t see me again   
You will understand why I did what I did and that  
I will always love you and I would give my life in  
A heartbeat to saves yours.  
I love you now and forever, please never forget me  
Hate me but never forget me.  
All my love forever and a day Mum xxx

Bernie presses send. She knew she had to do it but it hurt more than being blown up by that IED. 

She put her phone back in her pocket wiped her eyes, chin up and carry on.


	4. Breaking Point

Bernie took two steps and then a wave of panic and fear rushed over her. ‘What have I done, what a coward I promised Serena I would never run from my problems again’ with that thought Bernie reverts to type and does the only thing she knows and that’s to run. She runs out of AAU but instead of turning left and heading for her car like last time, she takes a right and heads for the roof, all the while thinking ‘what’s the point I can’t no I don’t want to do this without my baby girl’. 

Charlottes phone lights up. ‘it must be 5.15’ she thinks. Like always she stops what she is doing and opens the text. She reads and re-reads it. “No, shit” she exclaims. This is the last thing she ever wanted, she would not admit it but she looks forward to her texts every day, even though she never replies to them, because let’s face it she will not show any weakness, that’s the one thing she has learnt from her mother, her imperfect yet perfect mother, tears are now streaming down her face, she does not want to lose the one person she loves the most. Without thinking she dials her mums number, not knowing what she is going to say, all she wants is her mum back, she wants to hug her and tell her she loves her and that she's sorry.

Bernies phone buzzes, but she doesn’t hear it. She reaches the roof finally and she heads straight for the railings, it’s at that moment tears start to fall, for the first time since she got blown up she breaks down, alone on the roof with her thoughts, why does she always destroy everything she loves. First her marriage, she loved him once but she was to scared to admit 15 years ago that she was no longer in love with Marcus, he was her best friend and she loved him but was not in love with him, if only she was honest she could have avoided all this. Although she knows she could live with that, these things happen people grow apart, it’s called life.

But there is one thing she can’t live with and that’s destroying her kids lives, they did not ask for any of this. Cam does a good job of hiding it, but she knows him she can see it in his eyes he still resents her but not for leaving but for lying about who she was all those years. Bernie had made sure growing up she had instilled in Cam that he should always be honest and never lie. I think that’s what hurt him the most that the one person who he trusted the most was not who he thought they were, and if she was being honest that’s what hurts Bernie the most.

And then there’s Charlotte, beautiful, perfect, fierce Charlotte. She wears her heart on her sleeve just like the father and Bernie knows that unlike her brother she didn’t care that she was living a lie but that she had betrayed the family, destroyed what they had, and Charlotte would never forgive her for that. Charlotte could deal with Bernie leaving to go on tour, she knew she would be back and the family would be whole again, but she was not ready for her mum to never return, and the only way she could deal with it was to pretend she was still on tour and never coming back, which meant never speaking to her again. But Bernie could not cope with that, hence why she is here now on the roof.

Then there was Serena she was better off without her even though Bernie loved her, I guess that’s why she was better off without her. Bernie had dropped in to her life all those months ago. In that time she had managed to break her heart by buggering off to the Ukraine and then she had been the cause of the accident. Jason had almost died on the operating table Bernie had not noticed the tear in his kidney, it was lucky Raf was there to spot it or Jason would never have woken up, she has never had the nerve to tell Serena what really happen and Raf had promised not to say anything after all it was her mistake to own up to. The accident set Jason back, he was doing so well before the accident his confidence was sky high. Now he won’t leave the house and won’t even go near a car. She had done that to him not Ellie, and it eats her up every day, without meaning to she has manage to destroy 3 innocent lives, they will all be better off without her. 

There was only one thing Bernie could do for them all now and that was leave forever. Bernie wipes her face takes a deep breath, stands up and with that she climbs and sits on the railings. There was one last thing she could do for them... leave!, she owed them that much, she swung her legs over to the other side, all her fear drained from her, she was ready.

Her pager went off. She picked it up and chucked it as far as she could she would not be needing it anymore. 

She reached for her mobile to throw that too she was not going to need it any more.


	5. At this chapters end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one, just remember when reading this It's not all it seems.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think. More to come!!

It was then she felt her phone buzz…

Bernie knows she should not look, and just throw the damn phone, but something is stopping her. She glances down at her phone.

1 missed call - C  
1 new voicemail

Her heart stopped, she had not heard anything from Charlotte for months, she owed it to Charlotte to at least listen to her message, so she sat there on the railings and listened.

“Mum” Bernie could hear the tears

“I’m..i’m sorry, I should have replied to your letters your texts, I’ve been a bit of a cow haven’t I?” Charlotte stops and takes a breath and steadies herself. “I never want you to stop texting me, you see even though I never reply, it’s the highlight of my day I count down the hours until I get your text.”

Bernie forgets to breath just for a second, is she really hearing this right, it’s Charlotte finally speaking to her, well her answerphone but still.

“I should never have wrote that letter, I’m so sorry. You know our photo…of course you do it’s the one on your desk in that horrible frame. Miss Campbell told me the story of that photo, that you sit and stare at it every day. I do that too, I take it everywhere with me….. anyway.”

“Mum I love you please call me” With that Charlotte hung up.

Bernie sits there unable to move, what is she doing, my baby girl needs me, she loves me. “Shit” Bernie shouts. She needs to call her back.

“horrible frame…my desk….Ms Campbell” Bernie please those words over in her mind. Then the penny drops ‘She’s in my office’. With that Bernie jumps…


	6. Truth

A few mins earlier:

Meanwhile, while Bernie was listing to the voicemail back on AAU, Serena was standing at the nurses station, keeping an eye on Charlotte. 

Serena could see that Charlotte was crying, well sobbing would be more accurate. Serena could not stand there a watch any longer, she headed towards their office, walked in leaving the door slightly open. She walked over to Charlotte and knelt down in front of her facing the door.

“What on earths the matter?” Serena says remembering the plan.

Charlotte looks up and wipes away the tears that have fallen on the photo frame. “The girl in the photo’s me.”

“I know” comes the reply “I should introduce myself. I’m Serena…. Serena Campbell…..”

“Oh Mums partner” Charlotte cuts in “Cams mentioned you a few times.”

“The story about the photo is it true?” Charlotte wants to know but is scared of the answer, what if it was all a bit of a joke and Serena wsa just having a laugh trying to scare her earlier. Maybe she should have waited to leave that message, she doesn’t think she could cope if her mum really didn’t want her anymore or worse gone for good.

“Yes of course, I’ve lost count of the amount of times I walked in her and as much as she tried to hide it I could see she has been holding your photo and crying” Serena reaches for Charlottes hand and continues “Look here I can 100% assure you that your mother wants nothing more than to take you in her arms and tell you how much she loves you. But please understand she’s not sorry for who she is but she is so very sorry for what happened and how it happened.”

“Are you sure about that?” Charlotte asks as she shows Serena the text. Serena can’t believe what she is reading, she knew that Bernie had talked about giving up trying to win Charlotte round but that was before the accident, they had talked afterwards and Serena thought Bernie had realised that no matter how long it takes she cannot stop trying to get Charlotte to talk to her.

“Listen to me, please don’t think she means that, I can assure you that’s not what she wants at all, she’s just hurting is all.” Serena Knows she has to go and find Bernie “Stay there I will be right back” with that Serena heads out on the ward and finds Morven “Where’s Ms Wolfe” She asks.

“You tell me, we have been trying to find her, she’s not answering her pager or phone” Morven tells Serena.

“I don’t care how you do it but just go find her Dr Digby NOW” Morven jumps at the tone of Serena’s voice and with that turns and runs out of the ward to find her.

With that Serena returns to Charlotte.

…..

Morven heads out of AAU, first stop the on call room, no luck. Next was the changing rooms, then the toilets, then the break room still nothing. She knows she’s not on any other ward she’s already called and asked. “pulses” she exclaims. Morven breaks into a run, gets there no sign so she heads outside.

“AGHH” Morven here’s a scream and people looking up. She runs over to find someone in a grey hoodie lying face down on the floor. “What happened?” Morven asks.

“UMM we don’t know we heard a scream and then we turned around and saw them lying face down.” A bystander comments.

Morven looks around to see if she can work out what happened. The person I front of her seems to have a large gash in the back of their head. There is a pager on the floor near them, which is going off. She picks it up and takes a look and immediately drops it “Bernie” she breaths. It’s Bernie’s pager. Morven takes a deep breath and shouts “I need some help here NOW”. Morven had stepped away. ‘How is she going to tell Serena…Oh Cam. Wait it might not be her, no it was they had blond hair and a grey hoodie and scrubs’ Morven can’t stand it, she needs to know who it is.

The next few minutes before they role the casualty over is a blur.

Morven is shaking as the paramedics turn them over, she takes a deep breath as she sees their face for the first time.

…..

Serena returns to Charlotte who had finally stopped crying. “Someone is going to get your mum, so you can talk.” “Thanks” charlotte smiles.

Then the red phone rings. “Adult Trauma 2 mins” Raf shouts.

“That’s not a lot of time to prepare” Serena comments.

“It looks like there was an accident outside, Morven is with them” Raf replies. “Ok team lets go, we are going to do this without Ms Wolfe she has something more important to attend to” Serena commands. 

1 Minute later the doors of AAU swings open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I told you not to think the worst.  
> Please let me know what you think. More to come.


	7. The hardest conversion

“Bernie” Serena shouts across the ward. Bernie’s stood there hands on her knee’s gasping for breath, she hadn’t stopped for breath since jumping of the railings and running down from the roof, she mouths ‘where is she’. 

Serena gestures over towards the office trying to suppress her smile, with a nod and a ‘thank you’ Bernine heads over slowly to the office, catching her breath and flattening her hair down. As she approaches the office she notices the door is half open, and Charlotte has her back to the door, sat in her chair holding their photo.

Bernie takes this opportunity to lean up against the frame and watch Charlotte, well actually she is plucking up her courage and getting lost in thought she has imagined this moment over and over again. Bernie stands there debating if she should just walk away, I mean all she has managed to do the whole of Charlottes life is disappoint her and let her down and when she was there for her all she wanted to do was run again, not because she didn’t love her or Cam but because she felt she didn’t know what she was doing and she always felt as if she was on the outside looking in.

As Bernie started to re-focus towards where Charlotte was sitting she had noticed that Charlotte was sobbing, Bermie felt the last little bit of her heart break, she was just about to turn away when she felt a hand on her lower back, Serena was there and gave her a loving shove in the right direction which was accompanied by a stern don’t you dare run look, Bernie was not ashamed to admit it scared the life out of her. With that she entered the office and silently moved up behind where Charlotte was sat. As he knelt down a slowly spun her chair round took a deep breath and said;

“Don’t cry baby girl.” Charlotte instantly freezes on the spot, eyes closed tight scared that if she opens them it will all be a dream.

Bernie’s eyes are fixated on Carlottes face all tense and squished up, she looks petrified. Bernine raises her hand and wipes the tears from her daughter face.

“Plea…please open your eyes baby, it’s ok i’m here and I’m going nowhere” Bernie says in a low almost un-audible voice. 

Bernie decides that even if she won’t look at her she will still tell her how she feels. “I’s so sorry, I never meant what I wrote in that text, I was angry… angry at myself for letting it get so bad, for not being the mother you deserve..you need.” Bernie takes charlottes face in her hands. “Please I need you to understand, you and your brother are the best thing that ever happened to me and I would not change that for the world, I would give everything I have to go back to that moment our photo was taken and gather you up in my arms and never let you go. I would have made it work some how with your father if it meant you..our family was happy. You need to know I would give my life for you. I’m so sorry for the way things happened, I screwed up, I handled it all wrong. Please Charlotte please look at me!!”

For some reason Charlotte can’t bring herself to open her eyes, she wants to but she fears if she does she won’t be able to hold it all together, she knows that sometimes the memory is better than reality. 

Bernie sighs and grasps Charlottes hands “OK, OK, I get it you don’t want to see me. Please just know that I will all ways love you, you will always be my little girl, but please I will ask only one thing of you, when your ready to talk please come find me.” Bernie kisses Charlottes forehead as she stands up, she takes a deep breath and turns to leave. “Good to see my hoodie is still keeping you warm”, with that she heads for the door and turns the handle….


	8. Everything snaps if you bend it enough.

Bernie opens the door and drops her head, she’s had enough of acting like this, she’s done with running away without putting up a fight, she almost lost Serena she’s not about to lose her only daughter. She slams the door shut which makes Charlotte jump, she assumes her mum has left and lets out the breath she has been holding in for what felt like forever, she’s fucked this up again she thinks, why did she let her go? “”stupid stupid coward”” Charlotte mumbles to herself under her breath.

Bernie turns around takes a deep breath and then lets go.

“You know what no..no you don’t get to control this, for god sake I’m your mother and you will look at me damn it, I’ve had enough of running, doing what’s best for everyone else,” “WHAT ABOUT ME” Bernie shouts the last bit. Charlotte jumps, she has never seen her mum raise her voice like that she was always the calm quite one. “I’ve spent my whole adult life hiding who I truly was you know why.. because I loved you and your brother more than I loved myself, I guess I should never have bothered you obviously don’t care a dot about me.” Bernie has opened a box and now can’t stop herself.

“Mu..” Charlotte tries to speak.

“No you don’t get to speak, just listen.” Bernie bites back. Bernie goes over to where Charlotte is sitting spins her around in the chair, looks her dead in the eyes, her tone softening. “I never planned for Alex to happen please understand that. But please understand that when you spend most of your adult life suppressing who you really are and telling yourself that your meant to get married settle down play the good wife because well that’s the done thing, so you deal with it then you have 2 most amazing beautiful children you would not change for the world and you settle in to family life, but the guilt and need to be yourself builds and it becomes harder and harder to function, to keep up the pretence, until one day you can’t take it anymore and you break and well Alex was there she understood. I don’t regret finally being honest with who I was, I only regret how I did it, you, your brother and father did not deserve that and I wish I could go back and change it but I can’t, never forget I never left you and your brother, it was your father I left.” Bernie sits resting against the filing cabinet.

“None of this was fair on me and Cam” Charlotte quietly says.

“Life aint fair Charlotte deal with it you can’t always get what you want” Bernie barks back.

“I know Mum, but I spent my whole life waiting for you to come back from tour and to tell us you are done with the army and be there for us for good, and when you finally did I couldn’t believe it, it felt as though all my Christmases and birthdays had come at once. I had never been happier, finally we could be a proper family, I had waited so long for this, I almost couldn’t believe it and then a few months later you decided you didn’t want our family anymore, it broke my heart, you ran away again. How else was I supposed to react.” Charlotte pulls the hood down from her head and looks over to her mum.

“You know the thing that really hurt?”

Bernie looks up unsure if she wants to hear the answer.

“You know I can understand you leaving dad you grew apart… you out grew each other but the thing that really hurt was the fact you never fought for me and Cam you just let us go, you never even tried that’s why I wrote the letter, I wanted to hurt you, I wanted you to feel some of the pain and rejection I felt. It was never about you and dad, he’s big enough to look after himself.”

Bernie takes a deep breath “I thought you were better off with out me, I had manged to destroy so much, everything I touched seemed to break, the only thing I had not broken was you two, I could not destroy you two, I just couldn’t, you’re the only thing I have got right in my life I couldn’t risk messing you up.”

Charlotte smirked “You know ironically you probably caused more damage and destruction by not fighting for us.”

“I know that now, back then I always acted without thinking, I never really thought about the consequences of my decisions. But please believe me when I say that I have changed, this place does things to you, I think I have learnt more things about myself in the months I have been here the in my whole life.”

Bernie picked up their photo, “Who would have guessed this photo would make such a difference.” She handed to Charlotte I want you to have it.

“No need I have my own copy” Charlotte replies reaching into her bag. They both sit there just staring at each other.

Charlotte used the sleeve of her hoodie to wipe her face. Bernie playfully swatted her hand away, “what I have told you about doing that”.

They both laughed. Bernie stood up and moved to sit on the edge of the desk, “I’m getting to old for sitting on floors” She jokes.

“So where do we go from here?” Bernie asks....


	9. Bridges

“I don’t know about you but I could do with a hug.” Bernie asks more in hope than expectation. 

Charlotte stands up and throws her arms around her mum and hugs her tight. Charlotte was hugging her that tight that Bernie could hardly breath, but to be honest she didn’t care, she had thought about this moment and convinced herself it would never happen, so not being able to take a breath was a minor detail.

After a what felt like a life time they both settled on the edge of the desks. “there’s nothing like a Wolfe hug” Charlotte jokes. Bernie can’t help but smile at that.

They sit there for a minute in silence neither knowing what to say next. “So Serena seems nice?” Charlotte breaks the silence first.

“Yah she is, you know what I think I have shown Serena every photo of you I have and told her more stories than I care to remember.” Bernie says looking at their photo. “If it wasn’t for her I don’t think I would have come back from the Ukraine, she saved my life. She stuck by me even when I tried to destroy what we had and believe you me I tried my hardest to destroy it, but she’s more stubborn than me thank god.” 

“Not possible” Charlotte laughs.

“Oi” Bernie bumps Charlottes shoulder “You maybe all grown up but don’t think I won’t clip you round the ear.” 

Bernie lets out a sigh. “You know I really am sorry for how much I hurt you, it’s my biggest regret, I would give anything to take it back, you didn’t deserve that.”

“I’m sorry to…” Bernie cuts Charlotte off. “You should not have to apologie to me, this was all my doing. It’s all my fault I did this I caused this, you just did what you thought you should to survive and you must never apologise for that.” Bernie put her arm around Charlotte's shoulders. “I’ve been a terrible mother, to be honest I don’t think I ever knew what to do, I just kinda made it up as I went along. I know I let you down you and your brother and I intend to make it up to you.”

Charlotte slightly pulls away to look her mother in the eye. “No you haven’t I would not change one day, you were the best mum, yes you weren’t there all the time but you had a job to do and anyway not many girls can say that there mum is in the army and saving lives. I wouldn’t change you for anything.”

Bernie looks around the office with a confused look on her face.

“What is it?”

“There’s something not right in here and I can’t quite put my finger on it.” Bernie muses, eyes darting across the room.

“Boxes” She exclaims, wagging her finger in the air.

“Boxes” Charlotte replies.

“Over there” Bernie points over to Serena’s side of the office.

“There just boxes mum.”

“I know that, it’s not the fact they’re boxes it that there is boxes there. Serena has one rule in this office and that’s no mess, not even an empty coffee cups, the amount of times she has scolded me for leaving the smallest thing laying around. There’s no way she would have left them like that, no way at all.” Bernie’s looking confused. 

“She didn’t seem bothered by them when she came in earlier, in fact I think she smiled at them to be honest.” Bernie is only half listening, she cuts in “Our photo where was it when you came in?” Charlotte points to the edge of the desk. “Damn she’s good. Serena moved it, it should be on the other side of the desk.” Bernie exclaims smiling. 

“So are you going to rip her head off for moving it?” Charlotte prods.

“No why?”

“Well she told me that the last person you caught moving our photo barely escaped with his life.” Charlotte smiles “Looks like Ms Campbell’s been telling porkies as well.” Charlotte half jokes, half being serious.

“No no that is true, I did almost kill him for that” Charlotte gives her mum a disapproving look. “Don’t look at me like that, you know as well as anyone, you don’t touch my stuff.” She says with a glint in her eyes.

Bernie still can’t shake the idea she’s missing something.

“You know thinking about it, when Serena came in here earlier she acted as though she had never seen me before.”

“Well she hasn’t” Bernie replies.

“I know but you said that you have shown her photos of me, and somehow I don’t think I have changed all that much in the last year do you?” Now Charlotte is intrigued. 

“No I don’t. Tell me why did you come here, not to see me I’m guessing?”

“No happy coincidence” Charlotte joked “Me and Cam are going out tonight, he called me this morning asking me to meet him here, said he finishes at 6 and to text him when I arrived, he wanted me to meet Morven.” Charlotte suddenly stops talking and looked a little puzzled. “Wait he told me you were in theater all evening. That’s the only reason I agreed to come in to the ward, I couldn’t face seeing you.” 

“I haven’t been in theater all day and anyway I finish at 7 so does Cam. What time did you get here?” Bernie asks. 

“Just before 6, Cam put me in here and told me he was going to get changed, then Serena came in.”

“Wait I’ve been on the ward since 5.30 I never saw you come in” The penny finally dropped “Morven!! she dragged me into the side room to help with a patient.” Bernie smiles. “I think a certain young man is trying to pull a fast one.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Your darling brother planned the whole thing and i’m guessing Serena and Morven had something to do with it to. They should know better than messing with me.” And with that Bernie explained it all to Charlotte. 

“I’m going to kill him” Charlotte sounded pretty mad.

“Don’t go doing that he probably saved my life, if you hadn’t called me I probably would have done something very stupid.” Bernie confesses.

“What?” comes the reply

“That doesn’t matter now.” Bernie is trying to dodge that conversation. Charlotte knows she will get it out of her mum but not right now that’s a conversation for another day, she squeezed her mums arm.

“So how are we going to teach my darling son a lesson?”

“I’ve got it” Charlotte happily says. She tells Bernie her plan 

“Oh, I never knew you had it in you, your defiantly your mothers daughter!” Bernie jokes.

“Ready”

“Ready”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.
> 
> There will be at least one more chapter.


	10. Payback

Cam is leaning up against the nurses station with a smug look on his face having just come back from his break, he’s staring at the office window trying to see if he can see what’s going on in there, he’s no regretting closing the blinds as there is on a small gap next to the window frame. ‘well there’s no blood and all seems quite’ he thinks to himself. 

“What’s that look for Dr Dunn” Morven playfully comments as she approaches the nurses station.

“Well let’s just say I am the greatest son and brother ever.” He says smugly.

“I don’t believe that for a second, what have you done?” Morven playfully slaps his arm. Cam points to over towards the office “That!”

“Cam I think you might be losing your marbles, there’s nothing there.”

“No, the office by which I mean what’s inside the office.”

“I can’t see anything Cam the blinds are closed, all I can see is what looks like 2 shadows.”

“Exactly” Cam replies smiling.

“Ok Dr Dunn you’re going to have to start making sense soon or I’m going to have to take you up stairs to you brain looked at.” Morven teased.

“Well the two shadows you see are none other than Ms Wolfe and her Wolfe cub.”

 

“What you mean Charlotte?” Morven asks the shock evident on her face.

“Yep, and it’s all thanks to yours truly!! ” Cam jokes. “You see I thought it was time they had a little chat, clear the air so to speak. So I came up with a little plan to get them together” He says proudly. “How did you manage that?”

“Well my dear Morven simple really” He leaned in close and explained the plan to Morven.

“I’m impressed you thought of it all by yourself, but a bit annoyed you used me in you little plan, what if it backfired, Ms Wolfe and Ms Campbell would have hung, drawn and quartered us.” Morven looks a little annoyed.

“I don’t think Ms Campbell would have minded it was mostly her idea actually, turns out she had been thinking about doing something similar.” Camron smugly comments 

“Speaking of Ms Campbell where is she?” Morven asks

“I think her and Fletch are still in the trauma bay.” Cam replies.

Before Morven got a chance to reply, all hell seemed to break loose in the office, Morven gave Cam a I told you so look. The argument seemed to be getting more and more heated, although they could not make out what was being said, but by the sound of it, it was not good, they could her a lot of banging around and it was getting louder. 

Meanwhile inside the office Bernie and Charlotte was loving this they were finding it almost impossible not to laugh as they peered out though the gap in the blinds. They could see the panic on Cams face. ‘time for the knockout blow’ Charlotte thinks. “And that brother of mine I am going to kill him he’s dead to me” as she said this she opened the office door just little, to ensure that Cam heard all of it. Bernie was stood there crying with laughter tears running down her face, looking through the crack in the blinds ‘I’ve raised a monster’ she proudly thinks. Bernie started about getting who revenge on Serena, heading over to her desk.

Cam’s face dropped, panic clearly visible on his face. ‘what I have done, I think I may have really fucked this up’ he thinks.

It was at this point Serena and Fletch pooped there head out of the trauma bay, “What an earth is going on out here I…” Serena never got chance to finish her sentence.

Charlotte came flying out of the office and headed straight over to Cam, she stood in front of him so that they were almost nose to nose.

Fletch turned to Serena at that point and said “So who’s the blonde job then?” pointing at Charlotte. “ That my dear fletch that is the youngest Wolfe cub” came the reply. “That Figures, like mother like daughter.” Fletch replies looking over at Bernie who is leaning up against the door frame of the office, clearly finding this whole thing extremely funny. “Why do I get the feeling there’re up to something, poor Cam” Serena replies chuckling. 

Charlotte is trying so hard to keep it together “How dare you, you had no right to meddle in my life, you have no idea what you have done do you” Cam looks like he is about to cry. “You are an absolute total idiot, just like your father, you never think before you act”, with this Charlotte takes a step back, smiles and slaps Cam as hard as she can. Morven, Serena, Fletch and Bernie all wince. “that’s for lying to us and trying to fool us.” Charlotte then leans in, giant smile on her face and gives Cam a kiss on the cheek. “that’s for having the balls to do it”, Charlotte then kisses his other cheek “and that’s for being the best big brother ever.”. Charlotte steps back and says loud enough for Bernie to hear, “When will you learn not to mess with the Wolfe women.”

Bernie could not believe what she just heard Charlotte say, she could not be happier right now, she looks over at Serena who has the biggest smile and she moths “thank you my love.” 

“So your talking then? You sorted it out?” Cam asks.

“Thankfully for you we did” Charlotte replies. 

“So which one of you is Morven then” Charlotte says looking around the ward.

“Well that would be me” Morven says apprehensively. “just so you know I had no idea what he was doing.” 

Charlotte walks round to Morven and hugs her “Thank you, you got yourself a good-un there, but please don’t tell him I told you” she whispers in her ear. They both smile.

Bernie had emerged from the office with her coat and bag and was heading over to the nurses station. “Right you two I think we need a drink, I’m sure Ms Campbell won’t mind us leaving a few minutes early.” It was wasn’t a question more a statement. “Just this once” comes the response as Serena reaches the office door, eager to get the office back into some sort of order.

Bernie suddenly moves just that little bit faster. She hooks her one arm though Cams arm and one through Charlottes, and whispers “quickly” and they head for the exit.

“Stop right there Ms Wolfe, I suggest you get back here now.” Serena shouts from across the ward.

“What have you done?” Cam says sarcastically.

“I may have accidently knocked a few of the boxes on the floor on my way out” Bernie then pulls something out of her coat. “Oh and I may have accidently on purpose borrowed her only bottle of wine.”

“Run” Cam says laughing.

Charlotte looks over to Cam confused.

“There’s one thing Serena loves more than mum and that’s wine.”

“Don’t look at me like that, she knows better than to start something she can’t finish.” Bernie laughs as they head to Alibies.


	11. Bend me an I will break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set after Stick or Twist, Serena is still struggling and not letting Bernie in and Bernie is still not talking about how she feels and letting it all build up. Oh and Charlotte turns up on AAU

“What have we got?” Ric says as the doors to AAU swing open.

 

“Male 25, stabbed in the abdomen at least 6 times, by a 6inch serrated blade. He was alert and talking when we arrived on scene, but lost consciousness soon after…” Rick directed them into the trauma bay where the paramedic finished the handover. He had not noticed Charlotte stood just inside the doors watching in disbelief as her boyfriend was being wheeled into the trauma bay. She was rooted to the spot trying to process what happened in the last 30 mins, one minute her and James were happily walking hand in hand down the street heading back to his flat, planning their weekend, when suddenly out of nowhere, and young lad in a black hoodie walked calmly up to them and pushed Charlotte hard to one side, she hit the ground with a thud. The hoddie then pulled a knife out of his pocket and stabbed James before running off. She doesn’t remember much after that it was all a bur, she vaguely remembers the paramedics turning up but that’s it. The next thing she remembers is pulling into the hospital.

 

Fletch had noticed Charlotte stood by the entrance looking lost, he had watched the commotion from the nurses station, he made his way over to her and placed a hand on her arm as she was clutching her stomach. “Charlotte, isn’t it?”. “Um.. Yah..wait how do you know my name?” She looks confused at Fletch. “Don’t you remember I was here when you came and spoke to your mum a few months ago.” He guides her towards his office and sits her down as he closes the door. “Oh yah…..Where is she?What..what about James why did they take him into that room?... Is he going to be ok?.... What happened to him? ….I need to see him” Charlotte was firing off questions, she wasn’t even sure she knew what she was saying as the panic and realisation of what had happened set in. she was finding it hard to breath as she felt a sudden sharp pain in her stomach. “Calm down, deep breaths, in and out, in and out… good” Fletch managed to get her breathing back under control. “Your mum is due in soon, she should be here any minute.” Charlotte nods at Fletch. “As for your boyfriend, he’s in the best place possible and Mr Griffin will do his best to save him ok. Don’t tell him but he’s second only to your mother in surgical skill.” Fletch smile and lets out a small laugh. “Wait he’s going to go into theatre?” the panic rose in Charlotte. “Most likely yes he will have to, but like I said he is in the right place with the right surgeon looking after him ok.” Fletch said trying to reassure him as he noticed Ric wheeling James towards theater. Fletch thought better of tell Charlotte that James was already heading into theater. Charlotte let out a gasp and doubled over in the chair. 

 

“What is it? Where’s the pain?” Fletch looked panicked as he reached out to get her to sit up. Charlotte looked up and softly said “I’m pregnant, we were coming back from the doctors, when we were attacked, we’ve only just found out.. 12 weeks.” She said before letting out another gasp. Fletch tried not to let the shock show on his face, although he was secretly going to enjoy calling Bernie granny. “Right ok, well let’s get you up to obs and gyne and get them to take a look. Wait there I’ll go and get a wheel chair.” Fletch stands up to get the chair and Charlotte grabs his hand. “Ok but please do not tell my mum I’m here, please she’s still worked up about Ellie.” Fletch nods. “Of course I won’t, mums the word” Fletch jokes. Charlotte doesn’t hear her phone buzz in her bag it’s Bernie. 

 

Meanwhile…

 

Bernie had been sat in her car in the hospital car park for 15 mins, her knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel so tight, she’s shaking. Bernie’s worry was easy to see on her face, if she was being honest she thinks she has easily aged 10 years over night, the lines on her face are more pronounced than ever and she hasn’t smiled in forever. Bernie is close to exploding she hasn’t talked to anyone about how she is feeling and that her heart is broken, even though Ellie wasn’t her daughter she loved her, after all she was part of Serena. Add to that Bernie is trying her best to take away Serena’s pain and make life as easy as possible, it has created a recipe for disaster and she knows that it is only a matter of time before she explodes, although one thing she is sure about is she will not run this time, not now she has Serena, Jason, Cam and Charlotte. Bernie took a deep breath, ‘now or never’ she said to herself and with that climbed out of her car.

 

It was her second week back since Ellie died but people are still asking questions and wanting to know how everything is. Today’s no different and by the time she makes it to the doors of AAU she must have spoken to 5 different people and she can feel the anger rise in the belly. ‘One more question’ she thinks making a fist and grinding her teeth. She walked through eh doors of AAU and no one noticed her slip silently into her office In the end it wasn’t anything anyone said, but she picked up one for the many cards that had been left, it was from the ED and one of the comments read ‘Thinking of you, were here for you.’ 

 

That was it Bernie totally lost it, in one fowl swoop she pushed all of the flowers and cards onto the floor, the vases crashing to the ground and the water spilling everywhere all over the floor, up the walls and the desks. The offending card had landed face down in a pool of water, Bernie made a point of stamping on it, followed swiftly by the rest of the cards and flowers. Once Bernie finished stamping on them she turned her attention to the files pilling up on her desk, they swiftly joined the cards and flowers on the floor, the rest of her desk minus the computer screen was next. It was then that Bernie slumped down against the wall and pulled he knees up to her chin and sobbed. She was broken, the last month had destroyed her. 

 

Her and Serena went from absolute bliss and happiness to rock bottom in a blink of an eye. She would never tell Serena but she felt it was her fault, if she had not commented on Ellie’s article, Jason would never had looked over her shoulder and noticed her mistake and Ellie would never of stormed off, never had hit Jason and Ellie would never have hit her head. ‘I should just have jumped all those months ago’ she says to herself thinking back to the day Charlotte turned up on AAU. Bernie picks up a piece of glass and runs her finger along the edge, contemplating how easy it would be to take a swipe at her jugular and make this pain stop. She raises the glass up to her chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like the new direction. Please let me know what you think and if you like it. I love comments :)


	12. Snap

Serena’s pacing up and down her kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil and for the first time she’s not thinking about Ellie but rather Bernie. There was something about her this morning, she seemed distant. Every time Serena tried to engage in conversation she would look right through her as though she didn’t see her, it was like she was just going through the motions. She knew that Bernie could be distant at times, but this was different. Serena was worried, Bernie had been so strong so together in the last month, if it wasn’t for her Serena would never have survived. Serena had told Bernie as she walked out the door that she loved her, but Bernie just turned and smiled a half smile, it was as though no one was there. 

Serena called Bernie and it went straight to answer phone, she hung up without leaving a message. Serena felt a not form in her stomach, she put it down to being hungry. Serena stopped pacing and sat at the kitchen table, trying to think what she could do. The one thing that Serena was glad about was that at least Bernie was at work amongst friends. But something was still niggling at her. Serena still wasn’t feeling up to going to the hospital to find Bernie. So, she picked up her phone and typed a message to Charlotte, she wasn’t sure why she chose her, it was just a gut feeling.

S. Hi Charlotte, I need your help.

C. Sure what is it?

S. it’s your mum, she didn’t seem right this morning and she won’t talk to me.

C. Do you want me to try and speak to her?

S. If you would, she might open up to you.

C. Happy to help, I’ll pop by the hospital and see her today.

S. Thanks xx

Charlotte didn’t want to let Serena know she was already at Holby, no need to worry her any more she thought, anyway James will be alright she thinks. Serena felt a wave of relief come over her, knowing that Charlotte is going to speak to her. The two of them have a special relationship, they are not very close or clingy but they are not afraid to open up to each other. Serena relaxes and settles in to watch a film, determined to make the most of her last day before going back to work and the new normal, a small part of her was looking forward to getting back to work.

…..

Fletch and Charlotte re-entered AAU, she had been given the all clear and was clutching a new photo of bump. Fletch looks up at the patient board, “Looks like James has gone into theatre. I tell you what why don’t you wait in your mum’s office, I’ll come and get you when he’s back on the ward ok?”. “Ok.” With that Charlotte heads towards the office, she slips the photo back into her bag. On her way over to the office he has an idea of how she is going to tell her mum about the baby. 

Bernie is still sat against the wall in her office, the piece of broken glass edging closer to neck. ‘One swipe and the pain goes away.’ she thinks, just one. For the first time in a long time all she is thinking about is herself, no one else matters, they will all get over it and move on with their lives she reasons. Serena has Jason, Cam is just starting his career and Charlotte has James, no one will need her. She lightly drags the glass across her throat, not drawing blood, she does this a few times, each time applying a little more pressure. For the first time she finally feels in control, to her it feels right. With a final drag across her throat she says, “now or never.” A tear falls slowly down her face, she glances over to the photo of her a Charlotte that has fallen by the side of the desk, she smiles as she grips the piece of glass a little harder, swallows and takes what may well be one of her last breaths. 

Charlotte reaches for the door handle she can sense something I wrong, something doesn’t feel right. She presses down on the handle……


	13. Flash forward

6 months later;

Charlotte is sat up in her hospital bed and was holding her daughter. “How’s my two little girls?” Marcus said with the biggest smile on his face, there was no doubt he was a proud granddad. He had waited 6 long hard months for this, he had helped pick Charlotte up from her lowest and help her move on from that fateful day, the day Charlotte’s world fell apart. “Perfect granddad.” She said with a smile. Marcus tenderly kissed both of them on the forehead. “So have you thought of a name yet?” he asked. “I have, Grace Berenice Griselda Dunn” Charlotte let out a small chuckle. “Ha perfect.” Came a comment from the door way. Charlotte couldn’t take her eyes off of her daughter, for the first time she had realised what unconditional love was and finally understood the pain she caused her mother when her parents divorced. She promised herself and her daughter she would do anything to keep her safe.

Charlotte’s mind drifted, this should be the happiest day of her life, but it’s not there’s one person missing. The one person she wanted here the most wasn’t here. They never made it out of holby city hospital that fateful night 6 months ago, the day everyone’s life changed forever. She couldn’t help her mind drifting back.

As Charlotte arrived back on AAU from obs and gynae. Ric was fighting to save James’s life. Ric had discovered once they had opened James up that the knife had not only nicked the spleen but with the final stab the blade had lodged it’s self in the large intestine. Ric knew he needed Bernie’s help, he couldn’t do it on his own. “Can someone page Ms Wolfe?”. One of the nurses sheepishly replied, “um..she not available.” “says who?” Ric barks back, he’s really struggling to keep James alive. “She’s in theatre.” The nurse was careful not to let on that in fact it was Bernie who was the one laid on the table, they didn’t need to know the details she thought. Ric and Raf were going to have to do this alone. Ric glanced up to Raf, “Ok Mr Di Lucca, looks like it’s just me and you. Ready?” “Ready.”

Ric had managed to perform the splenectomy, now he and Raf have turned their attention to the intestine, he started to explore the damaged area. Suddenly James BP hit the floor, he was bleeding out from somewhere, but Ric couldn’t find where the bleed was coming from. He packed the abdomen trying to stabilise the bleed, he succeeded for a minute. James BP had risen slightly and he stabilised, although Ric knew that as soon as they started to remove the packs to try and find the bleed, James’s BP would drop again and he would most likely crash. He took a deep breath looked up to Raf and said “Right we have one shot at this, we only have enough blood for one shot.” Raf took a deep breath “Ok, we can do this.” Ric started to remove the packs.

Beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

A few minutes earlier Charlotte was opening the door to Bernie’s office. “MUM…NO” Charlotte Screams, but it was too late Bernie had already driven the glass deep into the side of her neck and had dragged it across the side of her throat. Charlotte reached out and pulled Bernie hand away from her neck, sending the blood stain shard flying across the office. Bernie then spoke her final words, “I love yo..” The blood was now pouring out of her neck. Charlotte grabbed Bernie’s scarf and used it to apply pressure to her neck in an attempt to stop the bleeding. “HELP SOMEONE” Charlotte shouts “HELP.” 

Morven was sat at the nurse’s station filling out some charts, when she heard panicked screams coming from the consultants office, without thinking she jumped up and sprinted over to the office. Morven was not prepared for what she witnessed. It looked as though a tornado had ripped through the office and when she looked down she could see a slim figure leaning over Bernie, crying and mumbling something, she couldn’t hear what. “Bernie…What happened?” Morven said calmly as she knelt down beside Bernie. “Umm..Her throat, she cut her throat.” It was then it hit Charlotte exactly had happened and the tears finally started to full and she started to sob. “Can I get some help in here.” Morven shouted. “Charlotte, look at me.” Charlotte glanced up to look at Morven as Morven took over applying pressure to Bernie’s neck. She knew Charlotte wasn’t in a state to help. “Right I need you to, go and get Fletch for me, please can you do that for me.” Morven said with a strange calmness in her voice, with that Charlotte stood up and headed out onto the ward. It was then Fletch saw Charlotte, he rushed over to her, he could see the blood on her hands. “Mum.. it’s mum” was all she could manage, glancing back at the office. Fletch shouted over to Jasmine “Jasmine, with me now!!” they both headed into the office, not sure what they would find.

“Morven, what have we got” Fletch asked. “Looks like she has nicked the carotid artery, we need to get her into theatre. Someone page Mr Leavy.” Morven said calmly, she was not going to lose Bernie not now. Jasmin ran over to the phone to page Sasha. To be honest she was glad to get out of the office, she could never be as calm as Morven. Once Bernie was stable enough to be moved Fletch and Morven got Bernie onto a trolley and got her into theatre. They were scrubbing in when Morven turned to Fletch, “We can’t lose her, we just can’t.” Fletch gave her a reassuring smile. “We won’t” 

It was then that Sasha came into the scrub room, “Why’s Ms Wolfe not here. She should be the one scrubbing in?” he said with a hint of anger in his voice, he was about to clock off. Morven just glared at him and looked away again. Sasha sighed “ok what have we got?”. Fletch pulled Sasha to one side, “It’s Bernie, self-inflicted wound to the throat, she nicked the carotid.” Sasha felt like he had just been hit by a bus, he took a deep breath and re composed himself. “OK, let’s see what we are dealing with.” He said approaching Bernie, he looked at both Fletch and Morven “If you’re not up to this now’s the time to say.” They both looked up and said “We can do this.” 

Sasha opened up her neck to get a better look. He clamped of the artery and assessed the situation. “Ok this is going to be tricky she has nicked it in a couple of places”. He took a deep breath and started.

40 mins later he looked up at Morven, having repaired what he could see. “Right, let’s try removing the clamps and see if it will hold.” Morven removed the clamps. Bernie’s BP dropped.

Beep Beep beeeeeeeeeeeep

Charlotte was pacing up and down AAU as a porter brought a patient back from theatre flanked either side by Ric and Sasha, Charlotte ran over to the bed, “Are they going to be ok?”. “Yes, all being well, they’re extremely lucky.” came the reply. Charlotte took a deep breath looked up and said “Where’s….” It was then Charlotte snapped out of her thoughts as she felt someone lean down and place a kiss on Grace’s head, “well little one, I do have to apologise for your mother’s bad sense of humour, that’s one thing she gets from your nan.” With that they reached down and picked up Grace, it was clear to see they were smitten with Grace, “you know you’re the only other person I know who shares this middle name… between you and me I love the name Griselda.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	14. Rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back we go to that faithful day.

Ric had pulled Charlotte to one side and sat her down in a side office and told her that James didn’t make it.  
Bernie had been settled into a side room for a few minutes when Charlotte and Ric came in and Charlotte sat down beside he, and held her hand. Ric and Sasha were stood on the other side of Bernie. Charlotte looked up, the pain visible on her face, she had already lost the love of one person, she wasn’t going to lose her mum. “Is she going to be ok?”. 

Sasha took a deep breath and tilted his head. “We hope so. Surgery was a challenge. Your mum had nicked her carotid artery, we had originally thought she had only nicked it in one place. We managed to get the artery clammed and successfully repaired the damage.” Charlotte felt hope rise in her, her mum was going to be ok. Sasha looked worried, his demeanour changed. “We released the clamps and your mother’s blood pressure dropped and she crashed. There was another tare we didn’t know about. Her heart stopped for a period, we managed to get her back though and fix the second tare.” “So she will be ok then?” Charlotte asked hope in her eyes. ”We can’t say for sure, because she had no output for a prolonged period of time, we can’t be sure she hasn’t suffered any lasting brain damage from lack of oxygen.” Charlotte’s face dropped “So what your saying is she may never be the same again?” “That could be the case we just don’t know yet, we just have to wait until she wakes up. I’m sorry I can’t give you any better news.” This was by far the hardest thing Sasha had done in a while, he couldn’t help but feel it was his fault, he should have seen the second nick. 

Charlotte griped her mum’s hand tighter and gently said, “You have to wake up you just have to, I need you now more than ever.” Sasha and Ric moved towards the door, Sasha was going to hand over Bernie’s care to Ric, although he wanted to stay, Ric had insisted he go home and get some rest, he would be needed tomorrow. 

Ric closed the door behind them. “How did she take the news of James’s death” Sasha asks. “It was hard to tell, she’s just like her mother, holds her cards close to her chest, she cried but didn’t ask questions.” Sasha nodded as they gathered everyone at the nurse’s station to tell them what had happened. Once Ric had finished Fletch approached him, “Honestly what’s her chance of making a full recovery?” “Honestly, I don’t know, it’s a waiting game.” Ric was being truthful the didn’t know. Fletch looked over to the side room. “She just has to be ok.” Fletch considers telling Ric about the baby. He looked worried. “What is it Fletch?” “I shouldn’t tell you this but, Charlotte she’s pregnant.” Ric hides his surprise well. “Fletch I want you to keep an eye on them both for me in that case. I best go and call Serena.” With that he heads in to the office.

Ric dialled Serena’s number and it rang and rang and went into voicemail. “Serena it’s Ric can you call me as soon as you get this it’s important.” Serena was asleep on the sofa the film had finished long ago. It was the first time in weeks she had managed to sleep for so long and now she was so deep in sleep she was snoring. Happy in the knowledge that Charlotte was going to have a talk with Bernie. Ric ends the call and sets about clearing up the office, he couldn’t do much else to help Bernie but he could make use of himself and tidy up, after all Serena doesn’t deserve to see this.

3 hours later Charlotte is still clasping her mother’s hand, she had just finished speaking to Cam, he was on his way over. Charlotte slipped her phone back into her bag and pulled out the ultrasound. “Mum, Cam’s on his way he should be here soon.” Charlotte sighed. “Why did you do this mum? Why couldn’t you talk to me, I thought we agreed that we were going to talk to each other when things were getting to much.” Charlotte felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Charlotte was unaware but Bernie could hear every word she was saying, not only that but she was trying everything she could to squeeze her hand, something anything to let her know she was still here. “I know you can hear me mum, I just know.” Charlotte was starting to sound desperate now. “Please just wake up, I need you your grandchild needs you” Charlotte rested the scan photo on Bernie chest. “Someone needs to help me keep this one in check” Bernie couldn’t believe what just thought she just heard, she’s going to be a nanny. She tried as hard as she could to smile. Charlotte missed the slight twitch in the corner of Bernie’s mouth. Charlotte took Bernie’s hand and placed it onto of the scan photo. “I can’t wait for you to see this.”

Ric entered Bernie’s room and crouched down beside Charlotte and said softly, “You can see James now if you would like to.” Charlotte looked over to Ric, she looked broken, emotionally and physically drained. “Ok, but I don’t want to leave mum alone. Where’s Serena?”. “We can’t get hold of her, we are trying though. Don’t worry your mum won’t be alone, I will get nurse Fletcher sit with her.” With that Charlotte stood up and followed Ric out of the room. Ric asked Fletch to sit with Bernie until they were back.

Fletch headed in to sit with Bernie. Before sitting down he decided to do her obs, he started to aimlessly talk. “So granny don’t you think it’s time you joined us, I for one am looking forward to never letting you forget you are officially over the hill.” Fletch started chuckling. Bernie now had two reasons to wake up, Fletch needed a good clip round the ear for that comment. 

Fletch finished her obs and sat next to her and grasped her hand. “You know I keep thinking back to the other day when Artem was in, I was caught up in his situation and I wish I had seen it then. You were struggling I wish I had taken the time to talk to you. I’m sorry Bernie.” Fletch could feel a lump forming in his throat. Bernie wanted to squeeze Fletch’s hand and tell him it wasn’t his fault. She tried again to move her hands, finally she managed to ever so slightly lift her index finger off, of the scan photo. Fletch saw Bernie’s finger move, he jumped up and grabbed both of Bernie’s hands. “Bernie it’s Fletch, if you can hear me squeeze my hand.” Bernie could finally see the end, she used all the energy she could muster, she tried again and Fletch could feel Bernie’s fingers moving. “That’s it Bernie relax.” Bernie’s heart rate rose she was starting to panic and as hard as she tried to control herself, she couldn’t, she felt so helpless. “Bernie, you need to calm down, we’ve got you, we’ve got you.” With that Fletch reached out and pressed the emergency call button.

Raf and Morven came running in. “What’s wrong?” asked Raf. “She can hear us she squeezed my hand.” Raf looked at Fletch in disbelief, “are you sure?” Bernie wanted to shout ‘I’m here I can hear you’, Raf gently took Bernie’s hand, “Right missy if you can hear me, you know what to do.” Bernie summoned as much energy as she could and applied pressure to Raf’s hand.

It was then Charlotte appeared in the door way, she panicked and thought that something bad had happened. Bernie heard her darling Charlotte, “Mum i’m here mum, I love you. I know you can hear me, please keep fighting.” Bernie felt a wave of relief roll over her, although she still couldn’t control er heart rate. “Bernie it’s Raf, I need you to keep calm ok, we are going to slowly bring you round, please don’t fight it.” They still didn’t know what state Bernie would be in when she woke up. Raf pulled charlotte to one side and made sure she was aware that her mother may not wake up fully and she may have done un-reversible damage. Charlotte understood everything and prepared herself for the worst but hoped for the best.


	15. Forget me Not

Bernie was slowly coming round, she tried to open her eyes but they were to sensitive to the light and was finding it hard to open them. Charlotte had hold of her hand tight and was willing her to open her eye’s “Come on mum open your eyes, I’ve got something to show you.” Bernie was trying but the light was just a little too bright. 

Bernie was becoming more lucid and it was then her brain registered that she had something stuck in her throat, she knew that it was just the tube helping her breath but her brain couldn’t process it fast enough and she started gagging. Charlotte let go of her hand panicking something was wrong as Fletch stepped in to help Raf remove the tube. “Ok… Ok Bernie, relax and we will get the tube out ok.” Bernie was struggling to process everything all the noise and people grabbing at her, all she really wanted was to just hold Charlotte’s hand and make it all go away, she had made so many mistakes in her life, and the only thing she got right was Cam and Charlotte. It was then she heard Raf again. “Ok Bernie I need you to cough for me ok” ‘Finally’ Bernie thought, she mustered up as much energy as she could and coughed hard and on the second attempt the tube came out and she started gasping. Finally she could breathe again and it felt oh so good although her throat was tender and she could feel a throbbing on the side of her neck. She then turned all her energy in to opening her eyes and slowly but surely her eye lids started to open. She had blocked everything else out, but she could hear someone trying to talk to her as they raised her up in the bed slightly. Finally her eyes decided they would co-operate and slowly they adjusted to the light although she was still squinting. She blinked wildly, she could make out people but they were all blurry, she concentrated as hard as she could and they started to come into focus, she recognised Charlotte on her right and Fletch was standing on her left, she smiled, she could see Fletch’s mouth moving and focused in on him.

 

Bernie started to understand what Fletch was saying, “Bernie can you hear me?” he said placing a hand on her shoulder. “Wa..t…er” Bernie croaked out a response, Fletch smiled and lifted a cup up to Bernie’s mouth and she attempted to take a sip, the pain was excruciating but she knew she had to drink through the pain. Bernie could here Raf asking her questions, “Do you know where you are?” he asked, she tried to respond but couldn’t get the words out, she had to think of a way of letting them know she wa ok. She gestured to Fletch to lean in closer, he lowered his head, “What is it?” He asked. It was then Bernie raised her hand and slapped him lightly on the cheek and managed to bark out “it’s…nanny”. Fletch stood up and grinned “Yep I have a feeling she will be just fine.” “Am I missing something here?” Raf asked, Fletch considered telling Raf but it was not his place. Before he had a chance to reply Charlotte handed Raf the scan photo. “Congratulations Charlotte, oh and congrats granny.” Raf said smiling. “Right let’s leave these two alone for a minute. If you need us just buzz” Raf headed towards the door, in truth he didn’t want a Bernie slap. Charlotte looked up and nodded and smiled for the first time today.

 

Bernie was looking confused. “What is it mum?”. “Umm, I don’t get it last time I checked you hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. What changed?” Bernie was starting to get herself worked up, her heart rate was rising. Charlotte looked puzzled she couldn’t understand why her mum was saying this. “What no. Don’t you remember Cam and Serena got us talking again, after you got back from Ukraine. I spent Christmas round yours and Serena’s, don’t you remember?”. Charlotte was trying not to panic, she knew that something was wrong. 

 

“How do you know about Ukraine? I only found out this morning.” The confusion was evident on her face. “Mum that was 4 months ago, you came back before Christmas and you and Serena got together.” Bernie reached for Charlotte’s hand, “No, no, no it’s only September, last night I went out for dinner with Serena after Ellie cancelled on her we went to this posh Italian and took great pleasure in sampling the extensive wine list.” Bernie smiled remembering last night, she felt so happy and content when she was with Serena. She knew Serena was off limits relationship wise but she was determined to not let it ruin their great friendship. 

 

The penny dropped and Charlotte realised that Bernie has lost part of her short term memory. “Mum what’s the last thing you remember?”. “Me and Serena are treating a patient who would you believe it wants to be cryogenically frozen. The last thing I remember doing was going into the staff room for a quick break and to work out how I was going to tell Serena I was going to Ukraine. The next thing I remember is be in this bed not being able to move but I could hear everything going on around me.” Charlotte was taken aback by that, she never believed it was possible for someone who was sedated to hear what was going on. “Do you remember me telling you about the baby?”. “Yes, I heard every word. Even though I’m a bit shocked it’s great news. Have you told your father?” Charlotte smiled, “No only you, Fletch and Raf know.” Bernie felt a small amount of satisfaction about that. 

Bernie took Charlotte’s hand “You and James will make great parents.” Charlotte couldn’t bring herself to tell her mum about James, to be honest she hadn’t really processed that just yet, she keeps expecting him to pop his head around the door. Her mum had not been overly happy when they started dating, he was older than Charlotte and Bernie was afraid he was leading her little girl astray. As time went by Bernie has warmed to James and before she had split from Marcus she had started to treat James like one of them.

They sat there in silence for a minute both thankful they were here and alive. Bernie was the first to break the silence “Darling, can you do me a favour and go and get Serena? I need to tell her about me going to the Ukraine.” Charlotte sighed “Ok mum, I will see if I can find her.” She was in two minds, she wanted to tell her mum again that she had already been to Ukraine and she and Serena were together, but she felt it wasn’t her place. With that Charlotte walked out onto the ward not to find Serena but Ric or Raf she needed to tell them about her mum.

Ric was sat in the consultant’s office, again trying to call Serena. He been trying for the last hour and must have called at least 10 times but no luck, he was starting to worry now. He was considering heading over to Serena’s to check on her make sure she was ok, but it was getting late it was almost 10PM. For the first time it crossed his mind that something had happened to Serena, he picked up his coat and headed towards his car.

Serena was still blissfully aware of what had been happening, she was still laying on the sofa. Serena was awoken from her slumber by the vibration of her phone, it had fallen from the arm of her chair and landed next to her head on the sofa. She slowly opened her eyes and focused on the phone screen. 15 missed called, she jumped up and hurriedly unlocked her phone, all the miss calls were from Ric and Raf. The first thing that crossed her mind was that there was an emergency at the hospital and they needed her. Although she thought it was funny that there was no calls or messages from Bernie, surely she would have at least text her.

Serena tapped Ric’s name and he picked up on the 2nd ring;

R: “Serena, thank god.”

S: “Hi Ric, what’s the problem? 18 missed calls some would call that stalker material”. She joked.

R: “You need to get to the hospital as soon as you can.” Ric was trying not to sound worried but failing. 

S: “Why what’s happened?”

R: “I don’t want to tell you over the phone. Come up to keller when you get here, I will be in my office.”

S: “Your worrying me now Ric, just tell me for god sake.” 

R: “Do you trust me Serena?”

S: “Yes you know I do.”

R: “Then please just meet me in my office.” Ric said firmly 

S: Ok, I will be there soon. Serena relented she knew he wasn’t going to back down and tell her what’s wrong.

With that Serena ended the call and went upstairs to make herself look presentable. She was trying to think what it could be, had there been an incident at the hospital? Had she done something and got herself in trouble? But surely Bernie would have warned her. Her mind raced was it Bernie or even Jason that was in trouble. No she shook her head, he would have told me if it was. She rushed down stairs and jumped in her car. Ric had made it as far as the car park when Serena had finally called him back, so he turned and headed back up to Keller, not sure how he was going to tell one of his best friends that her partner had almost died, but not only that she now doesn’t remember they are together and thinks they never will be.


	16. Family First

Serena had never gotten from home to the hospital so quickly, something was telling her something serious had happened. As she pulled up she noticed Bernie’s car was parked in her usual space, Serena’s mind started to race, why hasn’t Bernie called her? It was unlike her not to at least text when she had a minute, it was one of the things Serena had originally found frustrating about Bernie, the fact that she would text all the time even if it was just to say hi. But it grow on Serena and now she looks forward to the texts. She even sends them when they are working together. Serena tried Bernie’s number again, it went straight to voicemail, she never left a message she was too panicked to speak. 

Serena ran into the hospital and up the stairs to keller, she didn’t want to waste time waiting for the lift. By the time she had gotten up to Keller she was gasping for breath, she took a second to straighten herself up, took a deep breath and entered the ward. As she headed across the ward to Ric’s office she could feel eyes on her and hear people whispering, she gave a few people her trademark Campbell death stare. it made her feel uneasy and it was a sure fire sign that something big had happened. Again the worst had run through her mind, something terrible had happened to Bernie or Jason and they had died. She knew the likelihood was low but it still didn’t stop her from panicking. 

Serena didn’t bother knocking on Ric’s door she just walked in. Ric was sat at his desk the worry plain to see on his face. It was then that Serena knew something terrible had happened, she was sure of it. “Serena.” Ric snapped out of his trance. “You should sit down, please.” Ric gestured to the chair opposite him, she sat down clearly shaking and bracing herself for the worst. 

Ric took a deep breath and started. “Right i’ll start from the beginning. This morning about 11AM we had a young man come in with multiple stab wounds.” Oh no it’s Jason was Serena’s first thought, but she was sure he should have been at work at 9AM. Ric continued, “I didn’t know at the time it was Charlotte’s partner James.” Serena felt a wave of relief it wasn’t Jason, but it took her a second to register what Ric had said. ‘Shit’ she thought poor Charlotte. “His injuries were severe and despite our best efforts we were unable to save him.” Serena felt the air being punched out of her, at least Bernie would was safe. “Oh god, how’s Charlotte and Bernie?” Ric was not looking forward to the next bit. “Charlotte is hiding it well but she is crushed. As for Bernie she doesn’t know yet.” The confusion on her face was evident, surely Bernie would know she is working on the ward today after all, she thought. “Why not, surely she knows?” 

Ric reached over to take Serena’s hand. “The thing is, as you know Bernie started her shift at 11.30 this morning.” Serena nodded. “Well once we had stabilised James enough to get him to theatre, Charlotte went to sit in your office.” Ric paused a little too long contemplating how much detail to go into. “And?” Serena asked getting inpatient now. “When Charlotte opened the door.” Ric took a deep breath. “She found Bernie slumped against the wall, bleeding from severe gash to her neck. She had nicked the carotid artery.” Serena went rigid and she griped the arm of the chair, digging her nails in to the padding. She knew what that meant, she had seen many times in the past where someone had sliced their neck and bleed out in minutes. She felt sick she needed to get out she tried to stand but was rooted to the spot. 

Ric continued, “Luckily Charlotte got there in time and managed to stem the bleeding and call for help.” Serena was sat there in shock, she didn’t know how to feel or how to react. She had spent years telling hundreds of family members this kind of news and became accustomed to their likely reactions. But she didn’t know how to react. Ric continued, “Sasha took her into theater to repair the artery.” Serena let out the breath she was holding in, her Bernie had survived and she would be ok. She lessened her grip on the arm of the chair. “What are we waiting for, I want to see her.” Serena went to stand up. “Wait.” Ric said reaching for Serena, this was the bit he was not looking forward to telling her. “There’s something else.” There was a pause “She’s dead, isn’t she?” Serena seemed calm and level headed. “No, god no. There was complications during the surgery and she crashed and they lost output for a prolonged period.” The colour drained from Serena’s face, she feared the worse, brain damage she thought. “She doesn’t know who any of us are, does she?”. “Not exactly, she thinks it’s September and Hanssen has just been told about Ukraine.” Serena let out a sigh, it was then the penny dropped, and she realised Bernie thinks they aren’t together. “She keeps talking about a restaurant and an extensive wine list” Serena smiled, but then she connected the dates. “So..So does she think we are just friends?” Serena was fighting back the tears. “Long and short of it, yes.” 

Charlotte told me she has been asking after you to tell you she is going to Ukraine. She has no idea that you two are living together and..” Ric looked up at Serena and tilted his head. “and about Ellie.” Serena stared off into the distance for a seconded, trying to process it all. 

Serena thought about her next question. “What happened? What did she do?” she asked. “Honestly we are not sure, Bernie doesn’t remember. When Charlotte found her, the office was a bit of a mess, it looks like she had thrown all the cards and flowers on the floor in frustration.” None of this felt real to Serena. “We assume the wound was self-inflicted, all the evidence points to that.” Serena couldn’t believe what she was hearing, ‘how dare she’ she thought, how dare she do that to her family to Charlotte and Cam, if there’s one thing she thought Bernie understood more than ever now was that her family loved her, Serena loved her and we were all their to support each other. Serena was mad at Bernie, at herself for not noticing sooner. “How dare she?”. “Serena, you don’t mean that, it was a cry for help.” Ric stopped Serena in her tracks, he was concerned Serena would do or say something she regrets. 

Serena’s mind wondered to Charlotte and how she must be feeling, she had just lost her partner, her best friend. “I need to check on Charlotte, make sure she’s ok. Where is she?” Ric looked up puzzled. “I thought you would want to see Bernie.” Serena thought about her answer. “She can wait, anyway it’s not as though she thinks I’m anything more than a friend at the moment, so she can wait, family first.” Ric was shocked “Serena that’s cold even for you.” Truth be told Serena wasn’t ready to face Bernie yet, she wasn’t ready to fight for her again, not yet anyway. “Where’s Charlotte.” She said again. “AAU.” With that Serena stood up and headed for the lift.


	17. United in Grief

Serena was heading to AAU via pulses, as she rounded the corner she spotted Charlotte sitting in the corner of pulses, she looked beaten down and defeated. Serena quickly picked up her coffee and headed over to sit with Charlotte. Serena sat alongside Charlotte, knowing that if she was anything like her mother she was not good at eye contact, so at least this way she could still talk to her while Charlotte looked off into space.

They were both sat hands hugging their coffee cups, eyes fixed to it. Serena was first to break the silence. “Mr Griffin told me about James.” Serena wasn’t going to say sorry, she knew from experience that sorry didn’t help and it definitely didn’t make it easier. “Let me guess you’re going to say, sorry for your loss, he didn’t deserve to die..” Charlotte said snidely, before Serena cut her off. “Nope, what’s the point, it doesn’t help and I should know better than anyone.” Serena said softly, Charlotte looked up from her cup and turned to face Serena. Charlotte knew then that at least there was someone who understood what she was going through and wouldn’t judge her or give her unnecessary sympathy.

Charlotte turned to face Serena. “It’s strange you know, I keep thinking he’s going to appear from around the corner and wrap his arms around me and tell me everything will be ok.” Charlotte is fighting back the tears when a stray tear falls down her cheek, but it finally feels good to let it out. she has been trying to stay strong for the sake of her mum, even when she spoke to Cam she couldn’t let go. “I’ll tell you now it does get easier but it never goes away. it‘s how you deal with it that matters.” 

Serena contemplates telling her about Ellie, ‘why not’ she thinks after all Charlotte knows what it’s like to lose someone you love. “You know when Ellie died,.” Serena’s voice broke, it was the first time she had spoken un-prompted about Ellie and she felt relieved. “For a good few weeks after, every time I saw a shadow, heard the door go or my phone ring. I convinced myself it was her and I had imagined everything.” Serena looked straight into Charlottes eyes, it felt good to talk about it on her terms. “I let it consume my life and I almost lost my friends and family over it.” Charlotte look at her in surprise. “If it wasn’t for your mother I properly wouldn’t have survived”. Charlotte smiled. “Did it get easier?” Charlotte was desperate to know the answer, she doesn’t think she could survive if it didn’t. “It does, it’s a slow process and I needed lots of help. I have one regret and that’s that I didn’t allow people to help me, I thought I could do it on my own.” Serena took hold of Charlotte’s hand and knew it was time she helped someone. “Let me help you, but only when you’re ready, no pressure.” Charlotte squeezed Serena’s hand as if to say thank you. 

It was then that Charlotte burst into tears, finally it hit her what had happened this morning, how her whole life had changed in a blink of an eye. Serena didn’t say anything she just put her arm around Charlotte's shoulders and pulled her in close, now was not about words but just being there for her. Serena gently rocked Charlotte, they sat there for what felt like an eternity. 

As Charlotte’s tears started to subside and she attempted to tell Serena something. “We..we” Sniff, sniff, sniff. Charlotte pulled back and looked at Serena. “We were on our way back from the hospital, I had just had my 12 week scan.” Serena was taken a back, did she just hear that right Charlotte was pregnant. She couldn’t help but feel a little joyful, it was about time there was a bit of happiness in the family. “We decided to take a short cut back through the gardens, you know the ones opposite Castle street.” Serena nodded ensuring she stayed quite, knowing it was her time to get it off her chest. “We had almost reached the other side when this guy walked up to us and…and sta..” Charlotte couldn’t bring herself to say the words. “It’s ok I get it, that’s not important now.” Serena couldn’t let Charlotte re-live it again. Charlotte thought about her next words. “Your right Serena, that scum doesn’t deserve my time.” For the first time Charlotte looked angry. 

Serena knew she had to calm Charlotte down, time for a happy memory. “How was the scan?” Charlotte looked relieved to change the subject, she reached for her scan photo she got this morning and passed it to Serena. ”Wow, congratulations. This is your light a the end, you have to keeping going and move forward for this little one ok?” Serena was firm, unlike her Charlotte has something to keep her moving forward. “You owe it to James to make this little one feel loved every single day.” Charlotte looked up at Serena and smiled, “I know, I’m so lucky to have this little one.”

Charlotte wanted to change the subject, it was all still a little bit raw. “So, have you seen mum yet?”. “No, I wanted to check on you first. Any way I’m not sure how I’m going to handle it when I see your mother.” It was Charlotte’s turn to comfort Serena now. “She loves you, you know, even if she can’t remember just yet, she will eventually remember.” Serena sighs. “I don’t think I can go through it all again. When she came back from Ukraine, she had really changed. I’m not sure I can love the old Bernie again, it almost destroyed me the first time.” Charlotte could see Serena crumbling, piece by piece, he had to try and stop her. “You know, speaking to her today, she was talking as if she loved you. Maybe you just have to make her see that.”

Serena stared into the distance for a minute, clearly lost in thought. “What is it?” Charlotte finally questioned. “I can’t help but think this is my fault. If I paid more attention, I may have seen this coming.” Charlotte looked at Serena with a don’t you dare look. “Don’t you ever say that, you hear me. She did this not you.” Charlotte was getting angry again. “She’s a grown woman for god sake. Any way me and Cam should have spotted it, after all we have both seen her over the last few days.” Serena took a deep breath, she knew Charlotte was right. But it didn’t make it easier, she still can’t face Bernie, but she wants to try. 

Serena turns to Charlotte, “I think it’s time we went to see your mother.”


	18. Revelations

Serena and Charlotte had finally made I back to the ward and were heading towards Bernie’s room and Serena suddenly stops dead in her tracks, Charlotte almost walks into the back of Serena, managing to stop just in time, she moves round to face Serena. “What’s wrong, what is it?”. Serena looks straight through Charlotte as if she’s not even there. “I can’t do it, I can’t act as if the 5 months haven’t happened.” Serena sighed, what she really meant was she couldn’t act as if last light never happened. “I haven’t got the energy to fight for her again.” Charlotte took Serena’s hands in hers and looked her in straight in the eye. “Yes you can, you need to do this. Look at it this way you can tell her everything you wish you said, before she left that night.” Serena smiled a crooked smile, Charlotte was right after all Bernie had told her after she came back from Ukraine that she wanted to be with her. But would she still run away, Serena wished she knew the answer, her heart was breaking all over again. She knows that Bernie will hopefully snap out of it, but what if she doesn’t, what if Bernie never remembers what they have been through together. What if, what if, what if.

Serena has been staring in to space for a minute when Charlotte takes her hand and lead her over to Bernie’s room and without hesitation walked in, Serena following swiftly behind. Bernie was asleep, she looks so peaceful, she looked like she didn’t have a care in the world, which made Serena feel ten times worse for last night. Charlotte let go of Serena’s hand and in a heartbeat Serena darts towards Bernie, settling next to Bernie’s head, Charlotte smiles and leaves the room, she knew that Serena had to do this on her own.

Serena gently takes Bernie’s hand, and runs the back of her other hand down the side of Bernie’s cheek, “What have you done to yourself”. Serena says softly, she had not noticed her silent tears that have started to fall. “Oh Bernie, I’m sorry I can’t help but feel this is all my fault, all you have been doing these last few months is look after me. I never stopped to ask how you were and for that I am sorry. I should never have said that.” Serena pulled the chair up to Bernie’s bedside and sat down. “I wish you knew how much I love you, I don’t think I can survive without you. Your my world, my everything.” Serena lent back into the chair still holding Bernie’s hand. She was running through the last 24 hours in her head, her and Bernie had had a massive argument and Serena had said some things she regretted. 

Last night Serena had once again drank way to much wine and once again Bernie was sat with her arms wrapped around Serena holding her tight, while Serena sobbed. This had become a regular thing, they had slipped into a destructive routine. Although last night was different. Bernie had made a comment about them and how much Serena meant to her and changed her life, she was trying to cheer her up. Serena couldn’t remember when it was exactly, but she remembers standing up and shouting at Bernie, telling her that, She didn’t need Bernie, never has done and she could never love her properly again. Serena remembers vaguely telling Bernie that Ellie’s death was her fault, if she had never meet Bernie then none of this would have happened. Serena of course didn’t mean a single word, she loved Bernie and couldn’t survive without her. 

As Serena was sat holding Bernie’s hand watching her sleep peacefully, more and more of last night came flashing back. Serena remembered as she headed for the stairs turning back to Bernie, who was sat rooted to the spot in pure disbelief crying. Serena had hit a nerve and she smiled a wicked smile and proceeded to shout across the room. “You might as well just go, there’s not much more damage you can do. Going go” Serna pointed towards the front to shaking. “You should find someone else to destroy.” Serena didn’t look back as she headed up stairs, slamming her bedroom door in frustration. 

But Bernie did not leave, she wasn’t going to leave Serena on her own, even after what she had said, even if Serena didn’t want Bernie any more she should not be left alone, Bernie owed her that much, after all without much effort she had managed to fuck up both their lives. So she decided to stay, just in case Serena needed her, Bernie settled on the sofa and drifted off to a restless sleep.

It was 4 hours later when Serena had come downstairs, still drunk, struggling to stand up straight, she found Bernie asleep on the sofa, after she had told her to leave. How dare she Serena thought. That was it Serena lost it. She pulled Bernie up by her arms and got right in her face a shouted. “What will it take for you to finally listen, I don’t need you I haver have done and I never will do.” Bernie was stood there in total shock, half asleep, she couldn’t process what Serena was saying, did she just tell me she doesn’t want me, Bernie thought. Before she had chance to formulate a reply, Serena had gathered up her belongings and was pushing her out of the door, slamming it behind her with such force that the photos hanging next to the door shook. Serena slumped down against the door and passed out, she woke up a few hours later, last night was all a blur. 

Serena was sat at Bernie’s bedside tears rolling down her cheek, she had really messed this up, she had caused it and she had almost lost the love of her life. Maybe Bernie’s memory loss was a good thing, after all she would never know how much Serena had hurt her. Although Serena would hate herself forever for saying those things to Bernie.

Serena needed to get some air, she slowly stood up and headed for the door, just as she reached for the door handle, Bernie stirred. “Ser…Serena”


	19. 2nd Chances

Serena stops short of turning the door handle. She isn’t prepared for this conversation but she knows it’s now or never. She slowly turned around and smiled a half smile at Bernie. Looking into her eyes, the spark wasn’t there anymore, Bernie looked beat down and well sad, she thought. “Well hello sleepy head.” Serena tried to lighten the mood a little. Bernie let out a shallow bark. Serena felt a little hope rising and headed back over towards the bed and sat down once again, sighing as she did. When Serena finally woke up this afternoon, she never imagined that she would be sat here, with Bernie having to fight for them all over again. 

Bernie reached for Serena’s hand and smiled “Hi. We need to talk” All Serena could do was nod, she knew what was coming, but still didn’t really know how she was going to react to it. Bernie took a breath and started. “When you kissed me this morning, I didn’t know how to react, you see the thing is Serena I like you, god no.. well I more than like you.” Serena was fighting back the tears a lump forming in her throat. She replayed in her head the conversation they had in their office the day Bernie returned. Serena knew that this conversation would not end the same way and a small part of her died inside. Bernie continued “But I have to go the Ukraine, you need to figure out exactly what you want and why. If this…we are going to work I have to know you want it and for that you need space to think.” Bernie looked more sure, more certain than all those months ago when she ran away to Ukraine, and it scared Serena, it really did. “Because if I’m all in I need to know your all in as well.” 

Serena put her free hand on top of Bernie’s hand and placed it over Bernie’s heart. ‘Now or never Campbell’ She said to herself. Serena looked Bernie straight in the eyes, still not sure what was going to come out when she spoke. “Bernie the thing is..” ‘Damn it woman make up your mind’ She thought wrestling with her reply. “I know exactly what I want…it’s you I want you..I want us.” Serena felt the tears roll down her face. “It’s always been you, truth is I can’t imagine my life without you.” Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand who was looking shocked, avoiding eye contact. “Bernie look at me, I love you, always have done always will do.” 

Serena leaned over and kissed Bernie on the forehead and sat back down with a serious look on her face. “Bernie I need you to know that if you do decided to go, I will respect your decision. But I will not wait for you, I can’t put my life on hold for you.” Serena’s voice breaks, this is far harder than she thought it would be. “I know it will break my heart but I can’t wait for something that may never happen, I just can’t”. 

Bernie was in shock, she had played this conversation over in her head hundreds of times and she had never thought that she would get that answer from Serena. Every scenario she had imagined ended with Bernie heart broken, when Serena had told her that she didn’t want her, that it was all an experiment a mistake. ‘she loves me, she loves me’, was all Bernie kept saying to herself over and over.

Bernie thought about her answer. “Well I’ll stay..if you give me a reason to.” That was all Serena needed to hear she stood up, leaned over to Bernie and kissed her deeply on the lips, she was going to fight for her woman damn it. “Will that do” Serena said, once she had finally pulled herself away from Bernie. Serena had the biggest grin on her face.

Bernie decided then in that moment that she was going to stay, but wanted to have some fun. “Um..Well I think you need to give me that reason again, I need more data.” Serena complied of course as it was in the interest of research. Neither of them knew how long they had been distracted for, but by the time Serena finally sat back down her back was stiff. 

Bernie was gazing into Serena’s eyes, not believing what had just happened, for the first time in years Bernie was happy she didn’t want to run. When she thought about the future she only saw Serena and it made her heart sing. Bernie was the first to speak “So have you finally recovered from drinking your way through that extensive wine list?” Bernie couldn’t help but poke at Serena, she was surprised that she managed to drink so much wine and function so well this morning. “Ha yes, I’ve never felt better and now I have my dream woman by my side.” Bernie felt butterflies forming deep in her stomach, this woman was truly one of a kind and she loves me. 

“So, did you hear back from Ellie yet, what was her excuse this time? I need to thank her for standing you up, after all it meant I had a chance to win my woman.” Bernie said smiling. Serena’s face dropped and started to shake, reality hit home hard. She couldn’t do this, it was wrong. She jumped up before Bernie had a chance to ask what was wrong. “Serena what is it?” Serena darted for the door and slammed it behind her. Bernie was confused, she had no idea what she had said or done, she stated to panic, had she managed to fuck everything up before it even got going. Bernie reached for the call button and pressed it.

Serena had burst back onto the ward, as soon as the door slammed behind her she ran towards the exit almost knocking Raf over in the process. He considered running after her but before he got a chance, he noticed Bernie was calling for help, so he rushed into see what was wrong. Serena hadn’t stopped to take a breath until she made it out to the peace garden. Thankfully no one was there and she slumped down on the bench and sobbed. It was strange someone talking about Ellie as if she was still alive, it had hit a nerve and Serena couldn’t help but run. She knew that it was the wrong thing to do but she couldn’t face telling Bernie the truth, reliving it all over again. Serena sat in the garden for a while trying to figure out how she was going to fix this and get Bernie to just remember, that’s all she wanted, nothing more nothing less.


	20. The good, the bad and the ugly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% sure on this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Raf rushed into Bernie and found her in a heap on the floor, thrashing around trying to get to her feet, she had tried to get out of bed and go after Serena. “Bernie, what the hell are you doing?” He said rushing over to her, he couldn’t believe she was even able to move let alone get out of bed. “Serena, I need to see Serena.” Bernie was gasping for breath and getting more and more frustrated, trying to get her legs to co-operate. Bernie hated not being able to control herself, it was the only thing she felt she could control. 

Raf helped her onto the chair and checked her over. Bernie had managed to rip out her cannula and as a result her arm was bleeding, Raf quickly patched her up and reattached the cannula, other than that she appeared to be fine. She had been extremely lucky not to rip open her wound. “Well you certainly have been lucky Bernie. What happened, why did Serena leave?” Raf looked puzzled the last time he glanced into the room they both seemed happy and were chatting away.

“I don’t really no, we were chatting away. I’ve decided to stay and not go to Ukraine and we were going to give us a go” Raf smiled, if only they were brave enough first time round he thought. “I asked her if she managed to get hold of Ellie after she stood her up last night and then she jumped up and ran out of the room in a state. I don’t get it Raf, what’s happened.” Bernie looked concerned, she was starting to think there was some truth in what Charlotte had said this morning about her memory loss. Raf facial expression suddenly changed, he looked worried and conflicted, had something else happened he was not telling her, she was determined to find out what it was. “Raf what is? Charlotte was right, wasn’t she I have lost my short term memory?”. Raf sighed and helped Bernie back into bed. He knew he had to tell her the truth, she’s not going to like it but he has to do it.

“Ok, Ok I’ll tell you, but I don’t think you’re going to like it.” Raf took Bernie’s hand and sat down in the chair. Bernie wasn’t sure she could cope if it was too bad. what could have happened, it’s not like anyone died or anything, she thought. Raf took a deep breath, now or never he thought. “Let me start from today. I’ll give you the short and sweet version.” Bernie nodded and gripped Raf’s hand tighter and braced herself for the worst.

Raf started, “Ok when you told Serena you were going to Ukraine, she begged you to stay, in front of the whole ward but you still left.” Bernie tensed, how could that be, she would never put Serena through that, not the women she loved. “It destroyed her, but she never stopped loving you and a few weeks after you left she told me she loved you, and she never felt like this before.” 

“So that’s why we argued and that’s why she hates me?” Bernie looked relived, they had fixed that already, maybe they can move on from this and build a life together. She came crashing down when Raf shook his head. “There’s more, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.” Raf reached for a glass of water and took a long gulp, he was shaking. “So you went off to Ukraine after telling Serena she needed space to think. But she knew exactly what she wanted and tried to contact you Bernie but all she got was radio silence, that’s what really hurt her. The rejection, the running away she could deal with but not the radio salience. So finally she started… well tried to move on.” Bernie’s face dropped had she managed to lose Serena. She turned her head so Raf could not see the tear rolling down her face.

“Robbie the bobbie came back on the scene” Bernie’s head shot back round. “Not that prick, shit, does he make her happy?” Bernie needed to know. “Well she seemed happy but there was something missing, she wasn’t in love with him, all she wanted was you, nothing or no one came close. Needless to say that didn’t last long.” Raf smiled he was glad that Robbie the bobbie didn’t stick around there was something about him that never sat well with him. Raf smile gave Bernie hope. 

“Then 4 weeks ago out of the blue you came back. See we were all told a few weeks earlier by Hanssen that you had decided to stay out there.” Bernie shook her head she would never have done that to Serena to her AAU family to her children, it couldn’t have been that bad she thought. “We never did find out why you really returned, but you were about to leave again, thinking Serena had moved on. That’s until Jason locked you two in the office and well let’s just say it worked.” Raf blushed. “You’ve been together ever since.” Bernie shuffled up the bed smiling. She couldn’t believe it was all ok and she has the women of her dreams and they’re happy. But there was still something troubling her.

Bernie looked puzzlingly at Raf. “But that doesn’t explain why Serena ran out on me the second I mentioned Ellie?” Raf looked down towards the ground, he really didn’t want to tell Bernie about her death. “For god sake Raf just tell me, it’s not like anyone’s died or anything.” Raf’s head snapped up and his eyes narrowed, he was frowning. Bernie had seen that look and given that look enough times to know what it meant. “No, no it can’t be, she can’t be dead I would never have forgotten that.” Raf just nodded, “There was an accident, outside the hospital.” Bernie had a million thoughts going through her head, her heart rate was rising. “Bernie you need to calm down or you will do yourself more damage.” Raf was forceful. He continued and told Bernie everything, but sparing her the details of what happened in theatre with Jason. By the time he had finished Bernie was sobbing, even though Ellie was not her daughter it felt like she had lost a daughter and it hurt, she can only imagine what it would be like to lose a child. 

Bernie needed space to process everything. “Raf please leave, I need to be alone right now.” Raf didn’t really want to leave her but her knew she needed to be alone. “Ok if you need anything just call, I’m in all night.” With that Raf stood up and silently left her room. He made it clear to the nurses not to disturb Bernie unless she calls them.

Bernie laid there numb, staring up at the celling, replaying over and over what Raf had told her. She was trying to remember, even if it was only a snippet she wanted to remember. After a good hour of processing everything she finally dropped off to sleep. Little did she know it would be the worst sleep she had ever had.

Bernie had fallen into a deep peaceful sleep to begin with, but as soon as she had properly relaxed, it all changed. It started with happy flashbacks of her and Serena enjoying cosy nights on the sofa wrapped in each other’s arms. But the memories got progressively worse. Starting with the day Charlotte turned up on the ward and Bernie almost jumped off the roof. Bernie was thrashing round in her bed, she was reliving everything in slow motion, watching herself climbing onto the safety rail and contemplating jumping, she tried to reach out to herself but she could never just reach the last little bit to grab on and pull herself back. . Suddenly her memory jumped forward and she was standing on the ward watching the paramedics bringing someone in to the trauma bay. Was it her Bernie thought but every time she tried to get closer the door to the trauma bay moved away, and then she saw Morvan walk in covered in blood and crying. Bernie’s heart rate jumped up, had she really jumped, is that how she got here in this bed.

Again her memory jumped forward and she was watching herself sat in her office with Charlotte who was crying, she watched herself hugging Charlotte trying to calm her down. This was one memory she was happy to stay and watch, it appeared to be the day that her and Charlotte finally started to talk again and it warmed her heart. She was happy to stand there and watch this all day. Bernie had stopped thrashing around in her bed and had settled, her heart rate dropped and she was calm once more. But it didn’t last long, before she knew it she was reliving the day Ellie died, once again it was as though she was watching from the side lines and there was nothing she could do. she tried to reach out and stop Jason running after Serena and Ellie but she couldn’t quite reach him in time and as she followed after the 4 of them, she found they were disappearing into the distance and she couldn’t catch up all she tried to shout to stop Jason but he didn’t respond. She witnessed the accident all over again, and realised how close Serena came to getting hurt. She closed her eyes tight and wished it would all go away.

When she opened them again she was stood in theater watching Raf and herself trying to save Jason, she was stood next to Raf looking over, she could see exactly what her other self was doing wrong and could envision what was going to happen, she reached out to stop it but the knife passed straight through her hand and that was it, it was too late. Bernie was still thrashing about in her bed and now she was clawing at her wound it was itching but she couldn’t quite scratch the itch.

Her last flashback was of last night, her and Serena were again sat wrapped up in each other’s arms on the sofa. Bernie liked this memory and once again she relaxed in her bed and calmed down she stood across from them and listened. She was shocked, it appeared Serena was drunk, really drunk. She was telling Bernie to leave and she didn’t want her. What she said next as Bernie left shocked her;

s. You know I wish it was you who died, no one wants you.

b. Serena you don’t mean that, it’s the wine talking

s. I’ve never been thinking clearer in my life. Your poison everything you touch you destroy.

b. Fine I’m done, you win. I can’t do this anymore. Maybe it should have been me then I wouldn’t have had to witness you hurt everyone around you. Soon Serena you won’t have anyone left. You’ll die bitter and alone, even Jason will leave you.

s. How dare you speak about my Jason. You know what I don’t wish it was you died, I wish it was Charlotte. Then I could take great pleasure in watching you fall apart, watch the life get sucked out of you and finally get what you deserve. 

Bernie stood watching this unfold in complete disbelief. There was something in Serena’s voice, she hadn’t heard it before her words were more heart felt and the anger wasn’t there. Maybe Serena was finally being honest, maybe they would never work. Bernie knew she could never forgive Serena for what she said. She could understand aiming her anger at her but no one not even Serena was allowed to use her kids to get at her. 

It was obvious that her memory loss was a blessing for Serena, Bernie thought, Serena could act as if last night never happened. Bernie knew what she had to do when she woke up and it would hurt, she couldn’t keep living in this vicious cycle it was time to end it, to cut all ties. Bernie was thrashing around in the bed again and managed to finally rip her dressing off her neck and she was clawing at her wound, finally the pain felt good, it was a release. Bernie’s heart rate shot up and she crashed. Alarms were going left right and center and the room filled with people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not 100% sure on this chapter. Please let me know what you think.


	21. Bernie's truth

“CLEAR…..Shocking” Raf looked panicked, what had happened, when he left her Bernie was going to try and get some sleep, plus he peeked through the window not long ago and she was sleeping soundly. “No output, lets shock her again.” Everyone nodded. “Clear…Shocking”.

Beep……beep,…...beep “Right, we have a fait output. Let’s not hang around we need to get her to theatre and take a better look at that wound and get it stitched up. Someone call Mr Griffin.” Raf sighed in relief, it seemed Bernie was determined to cause herself pain. He was worried about her.

“What happened” Ric enquired as he was scrubbing in. “Not sure, her heart rate went through the roof and she crashed we think she tried to re-open the wound, for some reason.” Ric couldn’t understand how they let her do this. “Do you mind explaining to me how she was allowed to do this, wasn’t someone checking in on her?” Ric was angry. “Raf had checked on her 10 mins earlier she was sleeping soundly. She didn’t look in distress at all.” They continued in silence, Bernie was lucky she had not damaged the artery that Sasha had repaired and as it turned out all the blood was from Bernie opening up the wound, and clawing at the stiches. All they needed to do was clean the wound a stitch it back up. Once they had finished Bernie was once again stable.

Ric was still fuming, he had grown to really like Bernie, they were cut from the same cloth after all. “I want a report on my desk asap Mr DeLucca. Oh and if someone is not sitting with her I want 10min obs, no excuses. Think you can manage that.” Ric said matter factly. Raf nodded “Yes Mr Griffin” Raf quickly scurried off back to the ward to update Serena and Charlotte. When he got back he was told Serena and Charlotte were both asleep in the on call room, and to leave them to sleep unless there was any news, he thought about waking them now, but there was not much they could do so he left them to rest and would wake them once Bernie was awake.

3 Hours Later;

Raf has been slowly reducing Bernie’s sedation and she was starting to come round. Raf sat with her, he wanted to make sure she was ok. He felt that this was somehow his fault and that he should have been there to stop her from hurting herself. Bernie stirred and slowly opened her eyes, blinking madly as Raf came into focus. She tried to move her head to see if anyone else was there, but it was too painful and she winced. “Easy major, you need to keep you neck still and let your wound heel.” Raf squeezed Bernie’s hand.

“Wh…what happened?” Bernie was so confused. Raf took this opportunity to see how Bernie’s memory was. “Bernie can you tell me what day it is?”. “January….ummm.” Bernie was really trying to remember what the date was but just couldn’t. “9th, no 29th no…I can’t think what the date is but it’s definitely January.” Raf smiled and let out the breath he had been holding in. had Bernie regained her short term memory, he thought, all early signs were promising. “What’s the last thing you remember?” Bernie took a moment to think, then it suddenly hit her what happened, Ukraine…Ellie….last night, everything came flooding back. “This morning I..I went into the office and totally lost it, the next thing I remem…..Shit.” Bernie suddenly stopped in her tracks. “What is it?” Raf was concerned. “Charlotte, Charlotte came in just as..as I…” Bernie crumbled, why had she let her daughter see that, she shouldn’t have seen her try to end it all. Bernie was sobbing. “It’s ok, Charlotte’s fine, she saved your life, if she hadn’t walked in when she did, well you know.” Bernie breathed a sigh of relief at least Charlotte was ok, but it didn’t stop her feeling guilty.

Bernie laid there for a minute going over the last 24 hours in her head, everything that had happened. Raf was the first to break the silence. “Bernie, you were extremely lucky. You had nicked the carotid artery in multiple places and Sasha had a horrid time trying to repair it.” Bernie reached up to touch the dressing but Raf batted her hand away, he was not going to let her rip it open again. “We lost you for a short while, you really scared us. I think you owe Sasha a pint” he said jokingly. Bernie smiled and looked over towards Raf, he was not telling her something, he was giving her that look he always did when he was trying to keep a secret.

“What is it?” She demanded. “It’s just, do you remember waking up earlier and speaking to us all.” Bernie gave him a blank look, she didn’t remember waking up earlier the last thing she remembered was seeing the fear in Charlotte’s eyes when she found her. “No.” Raf told Bernie everything that happened in the last few hours, well almost everything, he left out the news about the baby, it was not his place to tell her that. He also told her that James was stabbed but stopped short of telling her he had died. 

“Where is Charlotte?” Bernie really needed to see her and apologies to her, what she saw was unforgivable. “There in the on call room, I’ll go get them.” Bernie had assumed he meant James and Charlotte and not Serena and Charlotte. Serena was the last person Bernie wanted to see after last night. Bernie has realised that her and Serena was never going to work and it was about time they cut their losses, she could never forgive Serena for what she said about Charlotte last night.

Raf hurried off to the on call room to wake Serena and Charlotte. He approached Serena first and crouched down beside her and gently shock her shoulder. “Serena, Serena time to wake up” he whispered. She slowly stirred and within a few seconds was sat up rubbing her eyes. “What is it Raf?” Serena was finding her bearings. Raf slid over towards Charlotte and woke her up. Once they were both coherent he sat on the edge of Charlotte’s bed and talked them through the last few hours and what happened, but stopped short of telling them that she had regained her memory.

“Why the hell didn’t you wake me. I gave you clear instructions to wake me if anything happened?” Serena raised her voice. “We didn’t have time, anyway there wasn’t anything you could do. I thought it would be better if you two rested so when she woke up you could be there for her.” Serena softly smiled at Raf she knew he was right. Charlotte stood up and headed towards the door. “Well what are we waiting for, let’s go see her.” Raf reached out and gently grabbed her arm. “Please sit down.” Serena feared the worst and sunk back on the bed she suddenly felt faint.

“Don’t worry it’s good news” Raf said smiling, the tension in the room suddenly lifted. “It appears Bernie has regained some if not all of her short term memory. The only problem is she doesn’t remember waking up earlier.” Charlotte looked hopeful and asked, “So that’s ok then she’s back and that’s all that matters.” Raf looked lovingly at Charlotte, “Yes but, you need to know she doesn’t know about the baby. I told her about James being stabbed but she doesn’t know her didn’t make it.” Charlotte took a deep breath and stood up. “Ok well lets go see her.” With that all three of them headed onto the ward.

Raf left Charlotte and Serena as they approached Bernie’s room. Charlotte entered without hesitation and ran up to her mother to give her a hug and a kiss. Bernie felt a wave of joy and relief roll over her, she kept saying I’m sorry to Charlotte. Serena hung back, taking Bernie in, realising she almost lost the love of her life and thanking her lucky stars she didn’t. Serena had already decided that she had to let go of the past and only look forward, she couldn’t change what happened but she can change what will happen. 

Charlotte settled in the chair next to Bernie and it was then that Bernie noticed Serena stood just inside the door. Bernie saw red and lost it, she looked directly at Serena and shouted “What the fuck are you doing here, you made it perfectly clear last night you didn’t want us. I hope you end up alone and sad. Your poison, pure poison.” Serena stood there in disbelief, she must had said something last night but was so drunk she couldn’t remember everything that was said. “I’m done with you, you’ve hurt me for the last time. I never want to see you again. Please just go, I can’t even look at you. You disgust me.” Bernie turned her head away she was shaking but truth be told she felt a weight lift from her shoulders. 

Serena tried to get words out but couldn’t, “Bern….Wha..” she realised she couldn’t do this not now so she turned and ran out of the room and headed towards her office. Tears flowing.


	22. Every beginning has an end

Charlotte stood there in disbelief, had she really heard her mother say that, she knew Bernie loved Serena and was puzzled as to why she had said it.

“Mum, what the hell was that?” Bernie looked over to Charlotte with a dead pan look, she looked empty inside. “She fully deserved that after what she said last night.” Charlotte had a confused look on her face. “Last night?” she asked. Bernie told Charlotte what had happened and what was said last night. Charlotte sunk down into the chair and let out a sigh. She couldn’t believe Serena would ever mean that, not after their chat this morning. She was sure Serena loved Bernie and was so thankful for what she had done for her over the last few months, being there when she needed someone the most. 

Charlotte had never seen her mum act like that and truth be told it scared her. Did she really know her mother? She thought to herself. But She also knew that her mother was stubborn and when she sets her mind to something she wouldn’t change her mind easily. Charlotte owed it to Serena to try and change her mother’s mind.

Bernie laid there running over again and again what she remembers from last night, and every time she came up with the same answers. Serena really meant what she said, Bernie could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She also knew that when Serena had had a few to drink she wasn’t afraid to tell you how it is. As much as Bernie still loved Serena she couldn’t be with her, not after what she said last night. Bernie knows it will be hard to stop loving Serena but she has to.

Charlotte took hold of Bernie’s hand “Mum, look at me.” Bernie turned her head to look at Charlotte, tears running down her face. “You don’t really mean what you said do you? She’s the one you waited all these years for, don’t lose her now over this, please.” Charlotte was pleading with her now, but Bernie was un-wavering in her stubbornness, “Please don’t mum, you will only regret it when it’s too late and she moved on.” Bernie didn’t want to get over Serena but she has to. “Charlotte please understand why I’m doing this. You wasn’t there she meant every word of what she said and I can’t be with someone who thinks that of me. I spent to many years just surviving and doing what others wanted me to and now I have finally been honest with myself, I’m not willing to accept second best. I want someone who wants me for me, imperfections and all. I will always love her but I can’t be with her.” Charlotte knew her mum had made her mind up and she has to accept that these two who are perfect for each other are maybe too perfect.

“Ok, ok I may not agree with you but I understand. But please if you are determined to do this, please don’t run away or do anything stupid. I’m here for you, just call me and talk to me.” Charlotte didn’t want to lose her mum now she has her back. Bernie squeezed Charlotte’s hand “I promise, your be my first port of call.” she said smiling. 

Bernie wanted to change the subject. “So how’s James’s, how was surgery?” Charlotte went white as a sheep and burst out crying. Bernie sat up in her bed and placed her hands on Charlotte's cheeks and wiped away her tear. “On darling, please don’t cry, I’m sure he will be just fine.” Bernie knew she needed to be here for her baby girl to help them through this. Charlotte lent forward and laid her head in Bernie’s lap, Bernie silently stroked Charlotte's hair, while she sobbed and let her cry it out. Bernie lost track of how long they sat there like that for.

Charlotte finally calmed herself down and regained control. “Mum, James..James he’s..” Bit her bottom lip, steadied herself and took a deep breath. “He’s…dead.” Was all Charlotte could manage. Bernie was stunned into silence, all the air had been knocked out of her. She was under the impression that he had survived, although thinking back Raf never said he had died just that they operated. Bernie put her arm around Charlotte's shoulders who was still laying in Bernie’s lap and pulled her up towards her chest. “Oh Charlotte, I’m so sorry, I know that doesn’t help but....” Bernie thought about what to say next. “What can I do for you?” she asked, Bernie knew from experience with Serena that sympathy doesn’t do much good, it doesn’t bring them back or make it easier. At least Bernie could just be there to support her, she was determined to get something right.

“Just be here, that’s all I want, mum.” Charlotte contemplated telling her about the baby, was now the right time she thought. “Now that I can do” Bernie says as positively as she can. Charlotte slowly raises her head and gives Bernie the but there’s more look. “What is it Charlotte? I know that look, I taught you that look.” Charlotte smiled. “When we were attacked, we were heading back from the hospital.” Charlotte started to relive the attack. Bernie sensed this and tried to move the conversation on, “Why were you at the hospital?” Charlotte reached for the scan photo, “For this” and she handed Bernie the scan photo.

Bernie was well and truly stunned. She stared at the scan, hoping this was not all a dream. Suddenly a giant smile appeared on her face and she pulled Charlotte in for a hug. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it. You’ve made me the happiest nanny ever. Congratulations.” Charlotte looked up and for the first time today she saw real happiness and joy in her mothers eyes and it was just what she needed to see. Charlotte knew in that moment that it was all going to be ok. Bernie looked at Charlotte and said, “You and me my girl are going to do this together, ok. Us three against the world.” For those few minutes nothing else mattered and it was pure bliss.

They were sat idly chatting when Fletch walked in and noticed Bernie holding the scan photo. “So how’s granny then.” Bernie’s eyes shot up. “It’s nanny. You get one free one nurse fletcher, call me that again and you will be singing soprano. Kapeesh.” Bernie said playfully. Fletch laughed nervously and nodded, it may have sounded playful but he knows Bernie could do some real damage. 

….

 

Serena was sat in her office trying her best to recall what happened last night. She knew she had said some unfair things but she would never say what Bernie said she did. Would she? She thought. Bernie wasn’t the type of person to just make that stuff up, anyway if what she said was true, Serena knew if it was the other way round she would have said exactly the same thing. If Serena was being honest with herself maybe it was a blessing that she said what she did when she did. They are both getting on in age and if this wasn’t going to work maybe it was best they ended it now before they do any more damage. Maybe it was time to let Bernie move on and get on with her life. She would always love Bernie she knew that but she knows Bernie could never forgive her.

Serena headed over to Bernie’s room to tell her that she agrees with her. She took a deep breath and walked in. Bernie looked up, she was not up for a fight but if that’s what Serena wants… “You don’t listen do you, I don’t want you.” Bernie said sharply. Serena looked like a sheep caught in the headlights “I know you don’t want me, and I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t want me either. I’ve not come to flight.” Bernie was shocked she expected Serena to put up a flight, it took all Bernie had left not to open her arms up and wrap Serena up in them. “I’ve come to tell you, your right…as always. This..us it’s not going to work is it?” Serena looked directly at Bernie for the first time and got lost in her eyes, as much as they wanted to deny it the spark was still there. Bernie was first to speak “Serena..please can we be friends?.” Serena let out the breath extended her hand to Bernie who took it and shook it “friends” Serena said smiling, trying to keep it together as she turned to leave.

Charlotte looked over to her mum and said, “You’re a silly old fool. Anyone can see you love each other and are meant to be.” Bernie looked over at her, deep down she knew she was right, she had never loved anyone like she loved Serena. “It’s the right thing to do.” Was all she could manage before she turned away from Charlotte so she didn’t see her cry.

As soon as Serena made it back to her office, she collapsed into her chair sobbing. She knew the hardest part was over and now even though she didn’t want to she could start to move on. She sat there all night not moving, just staring at her blank computer screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think.


	23. Heartless

12 Weeks Later;

Bernie had been back at work for 5 weeks and not much had changed with her and Serena. They were being friendly at work but the magic was still there in theater. Gone was the after work drinks at Albies and their shared lunch breaks. The staff on AAU had adjusted to the new arrangement quickly which meant the jungle drums had stopped beating, it was as though they were stuck in a state of flux. 

It was as though everyone had totally forgotten what had happen in the last year, well all apart from Morven. She had caught both Serena and Bernie stealing glances and openly staring at each other. Morvan first thought when she saw Serena staring at Bernie when she came back to work it was just Serena being a concerned colleague and nothing more. But as time went on the looks became more loving and lusting than looks on concern. Morvan wanted to step in and bash their heads together but thought better of it. After all they are grown adults and she was sure if they wanted to they would sort it out. Little did she know that they both were waiting for the other to make the first move, but to stubborn to be the first.

..

Bernie would be the first to admit her favorite time of the day is when she and Serena are in theater together. Although if anyone asks she would say it’s because she loves operating and getting her hands dirty. When they were in theatre her and Serena were so in-sync, they could almost perform surgery together and not utter a word, they knew exactly what the other was thinking. Bernie loved this about their relationship, she had never had this with anyone else before not even Marcus or Alex.

But that where the magic ended, back on the ward, nothing involving Serena was easy and they never seemed to gel. There was always something whether it was disagreeing on treatment or something as simple as signing off a chart, they always managed to turn it into an argument or disagreement. 

When Bernie first came back she tried to act as if nothing had changed, and act normal around Serena, but it was too hard. Every time she was close to her Bernie had this overwhelming urge to pull Serena into a tight hug and forgive her, but Bernie was determined not to be the first one to crack after all she was not the one who said those hurtful things. So she took to admiring Serena from a far and had found a few spots on the ward she thought she could easily stand and admire Serena without anyone seeing her, but little did she know Morvan could see.

The ward had slipped into an easy routine and everything was going along swimmingly, Bernie was starting to move on and the time she spent gazing at Serena was getting less and less, it was as though she was finally getting her friend back. That was until one morning she walk into their office and found Janson sat on the visitors chair crying.

“Oh god Jason what is it?” Bernie asked rushing over to Jason and kneeling down next to him. Bernie had a soft spot for Jason, he may be challenging at times but he has a heart of gold and is such a nice person. “It’s Auntie Serena she…she” Jason was struggling to get the words out. Bernie let a million things rush through her head, all bad of course, what had happened to her. “Take a deep breath Jason, and calm down, take your time.” Jason did as Bernie asked. “Auntie Serena has an new…well old boyfriend, Robbie you remember him?” Bernie felt the anger rise inside her. It wasn’t that she was angry Serena had found someone else it was the fact it was Robbie. He made her blood boil he was a snake and Serena could never see it. “Yes, Jason I do.” 

Jason had stopped crying now and looked up at Bernie. “He’s not a very nice person you know and auntie Serena can’t see it.” Bernie just nodded. “He’s been very mean to me, he told me that auntie Serena doesn’t want me to watch my quiz shows down stairs anymore.” Jason had a confused look on his face. “But I don’t think that’s true because she told me that it was ok a few weeks ago.” Bernie took hold of his hand. Bernie thought that was a little bit odd but she knew from experience the shows can get a bit tiresome at times. “No Jason that isn’t very nice bu….” Jason cut her off. “I know but that’s not the worst thing, he told me this morning that he had told Auntie Serena that she had to choose between him or me and that she chose him. And I have to move out and not see her again.” Jason looked down at the floor. “He said she never wants to speak to or see me again and while I’m at work he will pack my room up for me and take me to my new home after work. He also said I can’t work here anymore.” Bernie couldn’t believe what she was hearing, how dare he ask that, but worst of all she was disgusted that Serena would choose Robbie over Jason. “Jason have you spoken to auntie Serena this morning?” She asked. “No I’ve been sat here waiting for her when you came in.” He replied. “Jason please believe me when I say, you will never have to stop working here, we all love you here.” Bernie could feel a lump in her throat. How could Serena do this.

Bernie was finding hard to keep calm, Jason had been like a son to her and she could not bear to see Jason be cast aside like that, she knew she had to confront Serena about this, how dare she do that to him. Bernie reached for her purse and took out some money “Ok Jason, I’m going to find you aunt and speak to her. Why don’t you go down to pulses and get yourself something, my treat ok.” Jason nodded and stood up and put his hand on Bernie’s shoulder. “Ok Bernie.” With that he headed for the door.

Bernie moved back to her desk and sat there for a minute in pure disbelief, this wasn’t the Serena she knew and still loved or was it. Had she miss judged her that much, is this the real Serena? Bernie was starting to think it maybe was. 

She headed out to the nurses station. “Where’s Ms Campbell?” she barked, you could hear the anger in her voice. “Bay 2, what has she done wrong this morning then, made a mess of the office?” Fletch joked. “If I wanted your opinion Nurse Fletcher I would ask” Bernie snapped back as she headed over towards bay 2. Fletch was shocked it had been a while since Major Bernie had shown her face, Serena must have done something really bad he thought.

“Sorry Mr Sway, can I borrow Ms Campbell for a minute” Bernie looked directly at Serena and was disgusted to see her looking so happy and smiling as if she didn’t have a care in the world. How dare she Bernie thought. “If you would excuse me Mr Sway.” Serena said as she moved towards Bernie. “This better be good Bernie”. Bernie just glared at her, “It’s Ms Wolfe.” Bernie said back, which took Serena by surprise, something must have happened. “Ms Wolfe, what’s this about.” Serena made a point of over pronouncing Wolfe. “Not here.” Bernie said leading her towards the roof.

Bernie made sure the roof door was closed before she let rip, she got right up in Serena’s face and shouted. “How dare you Serena, what has he ever done to deserve this?” Bernie wouldn’t let Serena get a word in. “I thought you loved him, I thought you said no one would ever get between you two ever again. I guess I can add liar to my long list of reasons I had a great escape, along with heartless, greedy, selfish, self-centered, un-lovable.” Bernie was shaking and hardly heard Serena reply, “Who, who are you talking about?” 

Bernie burst out crying and shouted, “Jason you heartless bitch.”


	24. Truth be Told

“Jason you heartless bitch.”

Serena couldn’t quite believe what Bernie had said. This wasn’t the Bernie she knew and loved. “Excuse me.” Was all she could manage to say.

“You heard me.” Bernie said slowly between her tears, “Ja..so..n you har..tle….ss B..I..T…C…H.” Serena stood there in stunned silence, she had no idea what Bernie was going on about, but she knew something had happened. Bernie turned her back to Serena she couldn’t look at her. She wasn’t the Serena she fell in love with, the Serena she still loved and it broke her heart.

Serena placed a hand on Bernie’s shoulder and could feel she was shaking. “Bernie I have no idea what you are talking about. I think you need to start from the beginning.” She said softly.

Bernie took a breath and steadied herself, she was determined to fight for Jason, he didn’t deserve this. “Ok. I walked in to the office today and found Jason crying, apparently, Robbie had told him this morning that you wanted to cart him off to some care home and forget about him, so you and Robbie can ride off into the sunset.” Serena just stood there looking blankly at Bernie, but said nothing she was in shock.

“Oh and to add insult to injury, you don’t won’t Jason to work here anymore.” Bernie couldn’t believe Serena wasn’t even trying to deny it. “I can’t….no I won’t let you do that to Jason, if you don’t want him, I do.” Bernie said with a steeliness in the voice.

Serena reached for her phone and spoke only a few words, “Hi, it’s me, meet me on the ward in 5.” before turning and heading back. Bernie shouted after her “That’s what you always do isn’t it run.” Serena wanted to turn around and give Bernie a piece of her mind but thought better of it, and kept going, there was something she had to do.

Serena walked back onto the ward, quickly followed by Bernie. “Mr Hanssen to what do I owe this pleasure?” She asked. “Well Ms Campbell I was paged, it seems both the AAU consultants went awol.” Hanssen said in his usual drab tone.

Bernie came to a stop next to Hanssen and looked up to see Robbie stood next to Serena smiling. “Ok Serena what was it you wanted, it sounded urgent?” Robbie said. Serena tuned to face him making sure to keep Bernie in her eye line. She needed Bernie to hear this.

Serena looked straight into Robbie eyes and took hold of his hands. “So you told Jason, then about your plans for us….you and me.” Robbie smiled this must mean he had finally got what he wanted, he got Serena and just Serena, no one else he thought. “Yes, I’ve already sorted it darling, he’s moving tonight.” He said looking proud of himself. 

Serena smiled lovingly at him, took a step back, raised her hand and slapped in as hard as she could. The whole ward felt the slap. Bernie stood there completely stunned, running everything through her head.

“How dare you, how dare you think I would ever choose you over my son?” Serena didn’t realise what she was saying until it was too late. Thinking about it though Jason is her son, she certainly treats I’m like her son and she can’t imagine life without him. “You’re a snake, he’s twice the man you will ever be.” Serena was livid how dare he think that. She couldn’t believe she let him do it again to her, when will she learn. “You know they all tried to warn me off you after last time, but I refused to believe them. More fool me.” Robbie just smirked. “You’ll come running back to me, when you realise you want a real man.” He knew he had a hold over Serena and she would do what he wanted in the end.

His last comment made her blood boil. “Haha a real man do me a favour, why don’t you take yourself and your little solider and fuck off.” The ward chuckled.

“I hope u and that retard are happy, when you realise he’s not worth it don’t come crawling back to me.” He said coldly as he turned around to leave and felt his nose crumple. 

The next thing he knew he was laid flat out on his back, blood pouring from his face. He blinked a few times as he came around and could make out a tall skinny figure towering over him and heard them say. “Don’t you ever call him that.” With that the tall figure looked up to Serena nodded, turned and exited the ward swiftly followed by someone else, Robbie couldn’t see who it was. 

A porter came over and helped Robbie into a wheel chair. “Get him out of my sight, A&E can deal with him.” Serena calmly said as she turned her attention to Jason and guided him into her office and closed the door.

Serena turned her attention to reassuring Jason that she isn’t going to leave him. She made sure that he understood that he always comes first and it was them two against the world. Jason softly said “What about Bernie?”

Serena’s thoughts drifted to Bernie. She wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand if it wasn’t for Bernie telling her, Robbie may have got his way and she could have lost Jason for good. But she couldn’t forget the things Bernie had said to her up on the roof, they hurt and she didn’t know if Bernie meant them or not. After some thought she came the conclusion that she must have meant them, Bernie rarely says things she doesn’t mean.

“Me and Bernie are just friends now, remember?” Jason didn’t miss a beat. “But you still love her, don’t you?” Serena loved how Jason always says what he means, it keeps her on her toes. “It’s not that simple. I’m afraid, she doesn’t feel the same about me.” Jason nodded remembering what Bernie said to him earlier. 

Bernie had left the ward the same time as Hanssen and was now sat on the roof contemplating what had just unfolded. How could she have miss judged Serena like that. Serena didn’t deserve what she had said to her, she was wrong and Bernie knows she has blown any chance she may have had with Serena, she deserves better. She deserves someone who doesn’t fuck up every 5 minutes, someone who has the ability to love Serena for who she is.

Bernie felt her heart breaking all over again, she really thought there may have been a chance for the two of them, if only she had engaged her brain before her mouth. Although as long as Jason is happy and safe that’s all that matters.

Bernie pulled out her phone and typed a message to Serena, ‘sorry I’ve been a crap friend. I totally understand if you never want to speak to me again. B x’

Serena typed out a reply, ‘No you haven’t you were only looking out for me and Jason, and that’s why I love you, I never stopped xx’. But Serena couldn’t bring herself to press send, she couldn’t lay her heart out like that again. She saved it in her drafts.

Back on the ward Fletch finally managed to speak to Raf and said in disbelief. “Did that just happen or did I just imagine it?” Fletch asked. “No mate, I believe we just witnessed Hansson lay out Robbie the Bobbie.” Raf smiled and looked at Fletch and they both burst out laughing. “I think we owe him a drink”.


	25. To Late

Serena got back to work, if only to take her mind off of what just happened. She was keeping an eye on the ward doors for Bernie, she need to speak to her, clear the air and thank her for what she did for Jason. Although she kept telling herself she was not going to tell Bernie she loved her, as much as she wanted to she couldn’t after all it was Bernie who ended it.

Bernie was finally heading back down to the ward. She hoped that Serena was in theater or even better already gone home, so Bernie could get on with the rest of her shift. Bernie reached the doors to the ward took a deep breath and entered, she hustled to the office, she had spotted Serena with a patient in the far corner of the ward and was hoping she had not been spotted.

Serena had only just noticed Bernie coming back onto the ward and going into their office. She quickly finished up with Mr Holmes and headed towards the office. She made a quick stop at the nurses station. “Dr Digby, I’m heading into my office now, please can you not disturb me unless it’s urgent?” Morven smiled, she had noticed Bernie slip into the office a few minutes earlier. “Sure thing Ms Campbell.”

Serena opened the office door and found Bernie sat at her desk head in her hands, “Bernie” Serena said softly, she couldn’t help but notice how dejected Bernie looked, maybe she was human after all. Bernie did not look up, she was too scared to, too scared to see the pain and hurt on Serena’s face. Bernie hated herself for what she had said up on the roof. “Bernie, please look at me. I wanted to thank you for today.” Bernie looked up in shock, did Serena just say thank you, after everything she said and done today Bernie thought. “If it wasn’t for you I dread to think what might have happened.” Serena stepped over towards Bernie and reached out to hold her hands. She could see Bernie was fighting with something and she thinks she knows what.

“If I know you like I think I do. I’m guessing you are beating yourself up about what you said on the roof?” Bernie nodded, “I shouldn’t have said that, it wasn’t fair. I just assumed you would go along with it. But I knew deep down it wasn’t you, I just couldn’t be sure and Jason well he means so much to me.” Bernie was fighting back the tears because what she meant to say was ‘you both mean so much to me and I love you both’. 

Serena took a breath and said. “I know how close you and Jason are and how much he means to you and he appreciates everything you done for him today and so do I.” What Serena really meant was ‘I wish we were close again I wish I could hold you tight and tell you how much we both love you.’ Bernie finally looked up from the desk and locked eyes with Serena and for the first time in a long time she sees the old Serena looking back at her, the one she fell in love with. Bernie is too scared to look away in case she never sees that look again. Little did she know Serena was thinking the same thing. 

Then there was a knock at the door and Serena snapped out of the trance she was in, let go of Bernie’s hands and jumped back, “Umm..come in” Serena said moving swiftly back to her desk. It was Raf, “Trauma call 10 minutes.” He said only daring to pop his head through the small gap in the door. “Yes, thank you Raf, we’ll be right there.” Bernie looked up at Serena and smiled, she had her friend back and she looked happy again, that was all that mattered. 

……

12 Weeks Later;

Serena and Bernie had finally finished in surgery, they had managed to save a young lad and his leg, and they were both feeling upbeat. Serena had popped down to pulses to get the two of them a well-deserved coffee and Bernie had just settled back down in their office when Jason had walked in. 

He looked a lot happier than this morning and had a mischievous grin on his face. “Hi Jason, how’s your day been?” Bernie asked, intrigued as to why he was looking at her like that. “Well ok, I guess. Apart from this morning it’s been a good day.” Jason sat down on one of the guest chairs, “Why’s that?” Bernie asked. She knew the answer Serena was late again and she knew how much that could affect Jason when they weren’t on schedule. “Auntie Serena was late again, because she had been crying again last night. She doesn’t think I know but I do.” Bernie let out a gasp, “What do you mean crying?” She asked. 

Jason thought for a second. “I’ve heard her a few times recently crying. She’s tries to hide it but she’s not very good at it.” Bernie was not sure what to do, how had she not noticed this, why hasn’t Serena talked to her about it after all they were friends and they had promised to talk more and support each other. “Jason why’s she crying so much?” Bernie asked. “She’s crying over you Bernie, she still loves you.” Jason said and Bernie felt a dagger being driven through her heart. ‘she still loves me, she still loves me’ Bernie kept running through her head, even after everything Bernie had done to destroy everything they have. 

“When are you going to tell Auntie Serena you still love her?” Jason asked bluntly and Bernie was taken aback by his directness. How had he known, she thought she had hidden it well. “Um..Well it’s not that easy, it’s not as simple as us loving each other.” Jason was starting to get frustrated. “Yes it is, if you love each other nothing else matters, does it?” Jason made sense Bernie thought “I suppose it doesn’t.” With that Jason stood up, “Well Bernie I better get back to work.” He said as he left the office.

Bernie was in shock Serena still loved her. But she was too late Bernie had been seeing Jane for 3 months and she loves her and makes her happy. Jane was the new neuro specialist who had replaced Guy Self. Her and Bernie hit it off from the start and it didn’t take long for Jane to ask Bernie out. They were really happy together and well suited, Bernie had even asked Jane to move in with her last night. It’s the first time Bernie had been happy since Serena and she truly loved Jane, but was she in love with her? 

Bernie sat there and considered everything. She loves both Serena and Jane, but who was it she was in love with. A good hour had passed and Bernie had fought with her feelings and what she really wanted. Bernie smiled finally she knew what she had to do. She stood up to go and find her the one she was in love with. But before she reached the door her phone rang it was Charlotte, she was in labor. Bernie dropped everything and rushed to be by her daughters side.

She sent a text to the women she loved to tell her the news. Little did Bernie know both Serena and Jane were in theater together and had left their phones in their offices and would not get the message.


	26. Complete

As Serena was heading down to pulse her pager went she was needed in theatre. “Damn” she muttered under her breath, when she realised she didn’t have her phone to text Bernie to tell her. Serena hurried off to theater, when she got there her heart sank a little when she realised who it was that had paged her. It wasn’t that she disliked Jane, she seemed a lovely caring person, it was the fact that she has Bernie’s heart and that’s what Serena dislikes. Although she hates it more that she let it happen.

“Ah Ms Campbell” Jane said without taking her eyes off the job in hand. “Ms Dall, what have we got?” Serena asked as she approached the table. “Male 35 was on his motor bike when he was hit side on by a car going roughly 30 miles per hour. Looks like despite wearing an helmet suffered a bleed on the brain. I’ve managed to stabilise the bleed. But he has a nasty fracture of the tib and fib” Serena stepped over to the scans “Surely this is one for Ms Wolf? After all she’s the trauma specialist.” Jane looked up at Serena. “I did but was told she wasn’t available.” Serena was a bit confused she had just left her in their office. “Oh strange I was only with her 10 mins ago a trauma call must have come in.” Jane nodded. Serena got started on the leg. Once Jane had finished she moved round to the other side and assisted Serena. Serena could do this on her own but she was happy for Jane to assist, it gave her a chance to size her up. Serena had avoided Jane as much as she could, it was too painful for Serena to watch them two be so happy.

Serena knew this was her chance to finally speak to Jane without Bernie being there. “You know I haven’t seen Bernie this happy in a long time. You must tell me your secret.” Serena jokes. If she was being honest it hurt that Bernie was so happy without Serena. “Hah, I can’t give away all my secrets now can I. Truth is I’ve never been this happy either. Has she told you, she asked me to move in with her last night.” Jane knew Bernie hadn’t but she wanted to see Serena’s reaction. It wasn’t that she disliked her, it was she was a little bit jealous of how close the two of them were. If she was asked she would think they had history. “Wow congrats.” Was all Serena could manage. She suddenly felt as if someone had ripped out her heart and stomped on it. Maybe this is what needed to happen so she could finally let Bernie go she thought.

Morvan came bursting into the theatre. “Ah Morvan, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Serena asks “I thought Ms Dall should know Charlotte’s had a baby girl and Bernie is asking after her.” Jane looked up at Serena not sure if she should ask if she could leave or not, but thankfully Serena piped up. “Go, go be with them, I can finish up here. Tell Charlotte I will be up to see her when I’m done here.” Jane nodded “Thanks.” She hurried out of the room and scrubbed out. You could make out Serena’s smile through the surgical mask. She had grown very close to Charlotte over the last few months.

Morvan took Jane’s place and looked over to Serena. “If you ask me the wrong women is heading up there.” Serena glared at Morvan. “Well the right women threw it all away, didn’t she.” Serena snapped back she didn’t need to be reminded of how she managed to screw it all up. They completed the rest of the operation in complete silence. Morvan could see Serena was struggling to keep it all together but knew better than to ask any more questions.

……………..

Jane knocked before walking in to Charlotte’s room. She had expected Bernie to be there but to her surprise Charlotte and the baby were the only ones in there. “Hi” Charlotte said. Charlotte was hoping it was Serena, she wanted to show her daughter off to her. Serena and Charlotte had grown really close over the last few months, they had become each other’s pillar and helped each other through their loss. Charlotte often thought of Serena as her step mum. “Hey, how are you feeling?” Jane said edging closer. Her and Charlotte had not really bonded yet and wasn’t sure how to act, every time she had meet Charlotte before Bernie had been there.

“Sore but I couldn’t be happier” she said glancing over towards her daughter and gesturing to Jane that it was ok to go and have a look. Jane didn’t need to be told twice she headed over to the cot and picked up the baby. “She’s perfect Charlotte.” Jane was cooing, she never had the chance to have children, work always got in the way. “She’s got your nose.” Charlotte smiled back, she liked Jane and if her mum was happy so was she, although secretly she wishes Serena was still with her mum but if there’s one thing she has learnt this year it’s you can’t always get what you want.

“Where’s your mum?” Jane asked not taking her eyes off of the baby. “Her and Dad have just popped out to tell the rest of the family.” As if right on cue they walked back in and Marcus sat back down next to Charlotte. Bernie however stood just inside the room taking it all in. She had to pinch herself, if someone had told her 3 months ago she would be stood in this very spot, she would have laughed them out of the room. Even her and Marcus had mended some fences and were being civil and all because of Jane sitting them down and refusing to let them leave until they talked it out. Bernie owed so much to her.

Bernie finally walked over towards Jane and leant down and kissed her on the cheek. “Hello you.” Bernie said smiling “Hello yourself” Jane replied as she passed the baby to Bernie. “She’s beautiful just like her nan” Jane said lovingly looking at the two. Bernie looked back at her and knew she had to be honest with Jane and tell her everything about her and Serena and their past, it wasn’t fair not telling her and she would find out eventually. Bernie gently returned her granddaughter to her crib and took hold of Jane’s hand. “Can we step out for a minute?” Bernie softly said to Jane. They both turned and headed out of the room. 

“What’s that all about.” Charlotte said to Marcus. “I think your mum’s finally worked up the nerve to tell Jane about Serena and their past.” Charlotte felt and jolt of sadness, she had hoped her mum would end up back with Serena but she guesses not now. Marcus wanted to change the subject, so stood up and brought his granddaughter over so Charlotte could hold her.

“How’s my two little girls?” Marcus said with the biggest smile on his face, there was no doubt he was a proud granddad. He had waited 6 long hard months for this, he had helped pick Charlotte up from her lowest and help her move on from that fateful day, the day Charlotte’s world fell apart. “Perfect granddad.” She said with a smile. Marcus tenderly kissed both of them on the forehead. “So have you thought of a name yet?” he asked. “I have, Grace Berenice Griselda Dunn” Charlotte let out a small chuckle. “Ha perfect.” Serena said from the door way. 

Charlotte felt Serena lean down and place a kiss on Grace’s head, “well little one, I do have to apologise for your mother’s bad sense of humor, that’s one thing she gets from your nan.” With that Serena reached down and picked up Grace, it was clear to see she was smitten with Grace, “you know you’re the only other person I know who shares this middle name… between you and me I love the name Griselda.” Serena was beaming, she knew this was a close as she would ever get to being a grandmother.

Charlotte looked over to her dad and quietly said “can you give us a minute?” Marcus nodded and quietly left the room.


	27. Confessions

Serena moved over to sit in the chair Marcus had been sat in and sat down cradling Grace. “I could watch her all day.” Serena said looking up at Charlotte, who was looking back at her with a worried look on her face. “Before you ask I’m fine, the counselling has really helped and I’m looking forward now. I know Ellie’s never coming back but I have to accept this and remember the good times.” Serena was being truthful, she realised finally that staying stuck in the past is helping no one, least of all her and at least now she can offer to look after this little one to help take her mind of it. 

“I wasn’t going to ask about that.” Serena looked puzzlingly at her, she really doesn’t know what else it could be. Charlotte asked her straight, “You still love her don’t you?” Charlotte thinks Serena is going to deny it. “Who?” Serena tries to act dumb but she knows exactly who Charlotte is talking about. “Don’t play dumb with me, mum.” Charlotte said sharply. Serena knew she had to be honest with Charlotte and she knows she won’t be judged. “I will always love your mother, but I know we will never get another chance, as much as I want one. I’m already moving on I’ve even tried out this online dating.” Serena smiles a half smile. Charlotte knows Serena and can see she would do anything to get her back, but would never dream of breaking Jane and Bernie up, she loves her that much.

“You know it’s not too late, it’s not as though their married.” Charlotte was trying to get Serena to fight for Bernie. “I know but they are moving in together, that’s pretty final to me.” Just saying that hurts Serena, it should be her and Bernie moving in together and not them two. Charlotte quickly replies “You are impossible you know that. Stop being so stubborn.” Charlotte is getting frustrated now. “If you still love her you need to tell her and let her make the decision. If she chooses Jane then at least you tried. But you never know she may choose you and you can finally put this all behind you.” Serena knows Charlotte is right, of course she is. “But..” Charlotte cuts Serena off, “No buts, you will never be able to move on until you talk to each other about it.” Charlotte thought she was finally getting through to Serena.

They took this opportunity to catch up on some gossip as Charlotte slowly drifted off to sleep. Serena silently stood up and took Grace over to the rocking chair facing the window that looked out onto the peace garden. Serena mulled over her options and came up with a plan. It didn’t take long for both Grace and Serena to fall into a deep peaceful sleep. 

Not long after Serena fell asleep Bernie entered Charlotte’s room, it was clear to see Bernie had a spring in her step and was happy about something. She made her way over to Serena and Grace. Bernie lent down and noticed Grace sleeping peacefully in Serena’s arms, she couldn’t help but smile they looked so peaceful. Bernie didn’t want to disturb them but she lent down and placed a kiss on top of Serena’s head. She was thankful Charlotte had Serena to talk to and confide in. Bernie couldn’t believe she had such a perfect best friend. 

Bernie then settled down next to Charlotte, she couldn’t believe how lucky she has been. It was then that Charlotte started to stir. “Mum.” Charlotte sleepily said. “Hi darling, how are you?” Bernie took hold of Charlotte's hand and squeezed it. “I’m fine, where’s Serena?” Charlotte couldn’t see her. Bernie gestured over to the rocking chair and smiled, “Dead to the world.” 

Bernie turned back to Charlotte, “I need your help.” Bernie then explained her plan the Charlotte. By the time she finished Charlotte was in shock, but she wanted to help, it was the least she could do. After all she owed her a favour. Bernie stood up and headed back over to take one last look at her granddaughter and Serena and headed back out of the room with a giant smile on her face, there was one more person she needed on board to make this plan work and she knew exactly where they would be so headed for AAU.

 

…….

A little earlier;

Bernie had taken Jane into a side room. They were sat next to each other on the sofa. Bernie turned a looked into Jane’s eyes and it was then she knew she had made the right decision and what she was about to do would be worth it in the end. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.” Jane didn’t look shocked had she already found out Bernie thought. “Ok, well why not start from the beginning.” 

Bernie took hold of Jane’s hand, took a deep breath and started. “Me and Serena, well there’s history. After I broke up with Marcus but before the divorce was finalised, we were well together.” Jane was relieved she had thought Bernie was going to break up with her. She should be upset but she’s not everyone has a past after all. “She was the real reason I went to Ukraine, I panicked and fled when she confessed her feelings to me, I wasn’t ready for it and I got scared and ran.” Bernie hadn’t realised but she has tightened her grip on Jane’s hands. Every time she thought back to what happened she panics and hates herself for how she handled it. 

“Anyway when I finally came back we talked and decided to give it a go and it was all going so well” Bernie was taken back to that day the day everything changed. “Then..then Ellie had her accident and never woke up, that was when everything changed.” Bernie could feel the tears forming. “We said and did things we both regretted and it ended up with us splitting up.” Jane felt sorry for Bernie it must be hard to relive what happened. She knew about Ellie’s death but only the basics from the hospital grapevine. 

Bernie pointed to the scare on her neck. “This scare, I tried to end it all one morning, I knew then we wouldn’t work, so I ended it.” Jane reached over to touch the scare. “Oh my darling I am sorry, but it brought us together.” They both smiled.

“Thank you for telling me.” Jane was relieved and not at all mad at Bernie for keeping it from her, she knows Bernie likes to keep things close to her chest, that’s one of the things she loves about her. “Shell we go back?” Jane asked as she tried to stand up. But Bernie tugged her back down with one hand and reached into her pocket with the other, she had something for to give Jane.

“Wait. The thing is you know I love you…” Jane suddenly goes weak at the knees, ‘is she proposing’ she thinks. “And we are good together. The thing is..” God this is hard Bernie thinks, why is it so hard. ‘Pull yourself together wolf’ she tells herself. “The last 3 months have been some of the happiest times I have ever had and I can’t believe I have been so lucky as to meet you and love you.” Bernie reviled what was in her pocket and Jane froze…


	28. The truth will out

“What’s this?” Jane asked puzzled. “Your key” Bernie replied, she was finding it harder than she thought to do this. ”I can see that, but why are you giving it to me?” Jane was totally lost now. “Us, I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry”. Bernie was truly sorry she did love Jane but she was in love with someone else. “Your breaking up with me?” Jane’s head was in a spin, she thought they were solid, after all only last night Bernie had asked her to move in. “But last night…I though you loved me?” Jane was struggling to but a sentence together.

Bernie sat down next to Jane. She owed it to her to explain, it was the least she could do after breaking her heart. “Please believe me when I say I do love you, but I realised today I’m in love with someone else.” Bernie knows Jane knows who it is but for some reason can’t bring herself to say Serena’s name. “I can’t string you along, it wouldn’t be fair and I can’t live in a lie not again.” Jane was stunned only 30 minutes ago life couldn’t be better she had the women of her dreams and they were planning their future together. “It’s Serena isn’t it?” Bernie just nodded. “I knew I could never compete with her could I?” Jane needed to know the answer. “No, no one can. I’m so sorry.”

“Does she know how you feel?” Jane needed to know, she certainly did let it show this morning in theatre if she did, she thought. “No, not as far as I know.” All Bernie had was hope and nothing more. “So you are throwing everything we have away, on a hope.” Bernie just looked into the distance. Jane was angry now, she could deal with this right now. “You know what I hope she breaks your heart like you have mine. You deserve each other.” Jane stood up and left the room slamming the door.

Bernie lent back on the sofa and let out a sigh. She was relieved but she did feel guilty for doing it the way she did, Jane didn’t deserve it. Bernie turned her attention to how she was going to woo Serena. She wanted to do something special, she only had one shot at convincing Serena that she was sorry and she loved her. 

Then it hit her, she was going to have a bit of fun. She needed some help from Charlotte, Jason and pulses. She hurried down to pulses to put her first part of her plan in to action, she had a quick chat with the barista and handed over some money and a note. Next stop was to go and see Charlotte. Bernie needed her to convince Serena to go along with the game. Finally she went to the ward and found Jason.

Everything was now in place all she had to do was wait on the roof for Serena. She figures she had about 45 mins to figure out what she was going to say and get upstairs. Bernie sat in her office thinking. Morvan could see Bernie was deep in thought, but it didn’t stop her going in. “Ms Wolfe, times getting on, you better get going.” Bernie snapped out of it. “Thank you, I was a bit lost in thought trying to figure out what to say.” Morvan smiled. “Just speak from the heart and the words will come” Bernie stood up and hugged Morvan, “Thank you.”

Charlotte waited another 20 mins before asking the nurse to wake Serena. The nurse obliged and gently woke her “Ms Campbell, time to wake up” Serena slowly came round and it took her a moment the realise where she was. As soon as she did she smiled and carful stood up, so not to wake Grace. She gently placed her down in her cot and went over to Charlotte, who had a mischievous grin on her face that made Serena uneasy.

“What are you up to lady.” Serena asked with trepidation. “I had a visitor while you were asleep.” Serena noticed the note and the candle on the chair. “What’s that?” Serena asked. “A little treasure hunt, from someone special.” Charlotte chuckled. “From who?” Serena looked sternly over at Charlotte. “Not telling, I’ve been sworn to secrecy.” Serena had no idea who it was from, it couldn’t be from Bernie she was busy with Jane. She discounted Jason, she didn’t think he could come up with this all on his own. Maybe it was a secret admirer she thought. “Any way Serena, it’s just a bit of fun.” Serena needed a bit of fun and anyway it would be a great story to tell, whatever happens she thought, Bernie would not let her forget it. She opened the note and read it.

‘Ms Campbell,

Time for a little game,

Your first prize you get for free, a pair of gloves.

To get your final prize you must bring all other prizes.

You will find your next clue in the place that keeps us sane 

and eases our pain.

Bonus clue to get you going - it clenches our thirst.

xoxo’

Serena thinks for a second, “Ah got it, that was easy it’s pulses.” Charlotte gives her the thumbs up and hands her the gloves. “Don’t forget this.” Serena take the gloves from Charlotte. “I hope for your sake this is worth it” Serena jokes as she leaves and heads down to pulses.

When she gets there she patiently waits in line. When she finally get to the front the barista greets her. “Ah Ms Campbell, this is for you, I have been told to tell you not to open the box or you will forfeit your final prize, and believe you me you want your final prize” The barista said winking handing Serena 2 cups of what smells like coffee and a cardboard take out box. Serena was finding hard to resist opening the box and cheating but instead opened the next clue.

‘Serena,

So you are playing the game,

I knew you couldn’t resist,

Remember no consuming the prizes, just yet.

Ok so clue 2;

You will find your final prize,

In the place where the Shiraz lives,

But no drinking it while on shift.

xoxo’

Serena thought about it for a second and re-read the clue ‘where the Shiraz lives’ she thought. There was only one place she could think of that there was Shiraz in the whole hospital and that was her office. She was a bit confused though as the only 2 people that know where she keeps the and that’s Jason and Bernie. Thinking about she discounted Bernie was behind this, she was too busy with Jane and Charlotte. So it only left Jason, Serena smiled she was so sweet to do something nice for her.

Serena entered AAU and headed towards her office. She entered the office and went straight for the draw where she keeps the Shiraz. She opened it and found a note;

‘Right office, wrong note

Look behind you!!’

Serena turned around a noticed a note pinned to her jacket that read, ‘Put me on’. As she turned round towards the door, Jason was stood there smiling and holding another note.

“Oh Jason, thank you for doing this for me.” Serena said with a giant smile on her face. Jason looked puzzled. “It wasn’t me, auntie Serena.” Jason wasn’t going to give up the game. “Who was it then?” Serena threw her hands up in the air. “I’m not going to tell you that, I’ve been sworn to secrecy.” Jason smiled as he handed Serena the final clue.

‘Serena,

Jason’s not going to tell you,

I bribed him ,

This is the last clue I promise,

I hope you have your coat and gloves on,

You’re going to need them,

Right the final clue;

Up, up, up and away,

You’ll find the final gift

Where we go for a bit of piece and quite,

And to see the stars shine bright.

xoxo’

“The roof” Serena said triumphantly. Jason just nodded and put his thumbs up. Serena picked up the coffee and cakes and headed towards the roof. Jason unlocked his phone and text Bernie, ‘She’s on her way. Good luck.’ Bernie read the text message and got into position. A few minutes passed and she heard the door to the roof open, ‘show time’ she said to herself.

 

Serena came bursting through the door, the cold hitting her straight in the face. It was then she noticed a note pinned to the wall, that read ‘This way’. Serena did what she was told and went right. She didn’t notice Bernie slip in behind her. As Serena turned the corner she noticed a small table and two chairs facing into the distance. Serena smiled, whoever did this was thoughtful and kind. She still hadn’t noticed Bernie behind her as she sat down and placed the drinks and goodies down on the table.

Bernie sat down next to Serena and looking at her said. “Perfect view isn’t it.” Serena looked round to Bernie and was taken aback by her beauty. She couldn’t believe she ever let her go. “Yes. I can’t believe you did this for me. Can I open the box now” Bernie smiled at Serena. “Yes, please do I’m starving.” Serena opened the box and licked her lip. “My my Ms Wolfe, you do know the way to my heart.” Serena joked, she always found flirting with Bernie so easy and missed it, she had been careful to dial it back since Bernie had been with Jane. “That I do. Coffee and a cake.” Serena blushed. “You’re the last person I expected up here. I thought you would be with Jane?” Bernie cleared her throat and said in a low shaky voice, “I broke up with her.” Serena gasped, she was shocked but relived this was her chance to fight for Bernie. “Oh, Bernie why?”

Bernie took hold of Serena’s free hand and turned in her chair to face her. “Serena, I ended it because of you.” Bernie was giving Serena the puppy dog eyes and she felt herself melt into the chair. “Sorry, because of me?” Serena voice was shaky she was hoping above all else it was because Bernie loved her. “Yes because I’ve been a complete idiot and I should never have let you go.” Serena couldn’t believe it, she still loved her. “Serena I’ve never stopped loving you, how could I. Your my soul mate the only person I can imagine growing old with. I was stupid I was wrong, you were hurting I should have been there to support you and not run at the first sign of trouble.” Bernie took Serena’s face in her hands. “I am so deeply madly in love with you Serena. I only hope you can forgive me. I don’t want to waste another d..” Serena raised her finger to Bernie’s lips to stop her.

“Will you please stop talking and just kiss me.” Bernie obliged and they met in a furious class of lips. They finally parted only because they needed air. They rested their foreheads against each other. They gazed in to each other’s eyes, finding it hard to believe what had just happened. They settled back down on the chairs wrapped in each other’s arms and enjoyed the coffee and cakes.

“So what gave you this idea?” Serena asked. “I knew I had to do something special for you, but Charlotte helped me with the finer details.” Bernie owed a lot to her daughter, she had gone through so much but still managed to help Bernie fix her car crash of a life. “When did you plan it. Not today?”. Bernie nodded “When you were asleep with Grace, in fact.” Serena nuzzled herself deeper into Bernie’s side. “Oh, that will teach me to fall asleep on the job. Good job I love you or I may have slapped you for getting one over on me.” Serena joked. 

“Bernie, you need to know, I’m not angry or upset about it now. I realised a long time ago that I was not easy to live with and you deserved better.” Bernie was shocked to her Serena was the best. “That’s why even though it crushed me when you found Jane, I was happy for you.” Serena sat up and turned to face Bernie “And that’s why when I finally sorted myself out, I couldn’t bring myself to destroy your relationship. I loved you too much for that. If I couldn’t have you then as long as you were happy I was.” Bernie smiled, “Where’re a right pair aren’t we?” They both laughed. 

“That we are, now I don’t know about you but it’s freezing up here” Serena said standing up and gesturing towards the door, Bernie joined Serena and they headed back down stairs hand in hand.


End file.
